My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer in June  (that being her primary ) and died here at home in August. .  From diagnosis to passing it was 7 weeks. . I know one day I'll see that as a blessing but right now my head inside is screaming and going over and over all of it in my mind. . Mum got very sick on day 8 of her first cycle of chemotherapy. . She was very weak when she started chemo and I honestly in my heart thought as I watched her that day being set up a on iv that her little body wasn't up to this. . We all was petrified of the chemo but mum was petrified the oncologist would say there's no treatment. . So she saw that as a good sign. . We're all of the same belief in my family that the mind overides the body, and the mind and body connection is underestimated by oncologists. . So my sister would speak to the doctors in relation to prognosis and mum and I would concentrate on the treatment and staying positive. . Mum got sepsis and survived a 380 infection marker. . But the medicines to fight that with the chemo just obliterated her kidneys. . Every day was like being hit with a sledge hammer in the head heart and stomach. . I believed with all my heart we would have at worse another Christmas and Summer with her. . As one thing got slightly better another 3 problems arose. . Mum asked me one day if I knew something she didn't?  I didn't. . My journey all my life has been to keep no secrets and so I know by not indulging with consultants and that being my sisters job was the right thing for my mum's nervous system. . Even now although I know it was advanced into mums lymph nodes mum knew that too. . But I refuse to listen to the extent of it. . I'm so angry at I don't even know who. . The world. The doctors. The hospital . Cancer. . The trees the chair. . I'm just so as bloody angry hurt lost and heartbroken. . And I don't want to feel slightly better.   I just miss everything about mum.  And I hadn't realised how many times a day we caught up until now by the silence the no calls from her. . We moved mum from Lincolnshire to Kent in with me. . So in the house is mums things. . All her little personal things. . Her furniture. . Her clothes her laptop her fb account. . It's all here BUT no mum. . I've got her precious dog but no mum.  And all of it just breaks my heart on every other minute of every day. .