Oh bless ya ..

Your hearts probly just sold out of tears right now ... it's trying to protect you .. you've been through a trauma to your mind and body .. your brain is trying to process it and make sense of everything, where there is none ..

Some people can't stop crying .. some can't cry .. some hold it in for days / weeks or even years .. but it comes out at some point . Just when they don't expect it ... nothing is normal .. nothing goes the same way as others .. everything your feeling is o.k ... it's normal to feel everything when your body needs too ..  I always say it's the ones who don't cry we have to worry about .. as holding it in hurts harder and longer in the great skeem of things ..

Be kind to your heart .. go with it ... and everything in balance ... I bet your dad's looking down with proud eyes at his girl .. and you've got an invisible arm around you right now ... there's no quick fix .. it's what we all have to feel and go through .. it's the price we pay for having loved them so much... and being blessed they were in our lives ...  sending you a big hug .. be kind to yourself now .. Chrissie

Welcome to Cancer Chat, Rachael69.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and on behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat I'd like to offer you our sincere condolences.

Grief is something very personal, and it is perfectly normal to react the way you do so please don't feel like a fraud or a failure to your dad's memory. You might want to have a look at this page from our website called Coping with grief and I hope this can help a little with this process.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Its a strange process. I lost my dad last November to PC. My grief was very intermittent. I'd either be crying or smiling thinking about him.

One thing you are not is a fraud. We all deal with things on different ways. Im only on here today as a friend has passed away and I keep having tears in my eyes thinking about my dads passing and his funeral. Dont feel bad as your emotions will change and its normal. I do think personally that it is perfectly normal what you are going through. Its tough - I feel for you as I remember those first days vividly. Im only just thinking nearly a year on that I am ready to get some support.

Please dont be hard on yourself, the traumatic ending will become easier to deal with. I promise you. I wish you the best. Take each day as it comes and reach out if you need support. 

My thoughts are with you 

Hi Rachael,

Im so sorry to hear of your loss. I totally feel your pain, I lost my dad last Friday (28th September). We were also sat by his side for his last breath and I totally agree with you, it’s very traumatic to see someone who you love so much slip away in front of you.

My dad had lung cancer, diagnosed this April so it has been pretty quick. He had been in hospital for the past 11 weeks with an infection and deteriorated rapidly. 

You are not a fraud, you can’t predict how you will ever feel in a situation like this. It’s all very fresh, it’s a shock and it’s all so hideous. Whether you cry, smile or just carry on - it’s all totally ok. As I write this I’m crying. I have so much comfort in reading these posts, knowing that I’m not the only one going through this pain. I still can’t believe it’s me writing it though and my dad has gone.

Sending big hugs your way and look after yourself xxx