Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss, my mum passed away 26th September, she had Myelofibrosis and Alzheimers. I can't imagine your pain with also losing your brother. Reading other peoples experiences on this site, not sure if it helps or not but you understand what others are going through. The one person who you would go to at a time of so much distress isnt there anymore and I would do anything to have just had more time with her. I know what you mean when you say the sadness is overwhelming and I feel as though I can't breath; went to the Dr yesterday and she prescribed Diazepam, my mum wouldnt have wanted me to take that, but I have taken Lavender Kalms and trying breathing exercises. I'm not sure if you have a particular faith but I had a bible that I was given in school back in 1976 when I was 13 and I have been reading some verses. We dont have children but very close family and my husband is trying so hard to comfort me, I can't stop talking or thinking about my mum. My dad said that he'd lost half of him and it broke me, at 55 yrs old, I had never seen my dad cry and I am so worried about him. Mums funeral is next Weds and I'm not sure how we will all get through it.

You asked if it will ever stop hurting as much, right now, I dont know the answer. What I do know is that our mum's wouldnt have wanted us to carry such sadness with us, not for ever. I hope that it does get easier for you in time and the love of those around you will help you.

Hi I am sorry for your loss. I have found this page as like yourselves searching for comfort or something to ease the pain to understand how we can live on without our parents. I lost my mum on 24 Sept 2018 and I just cannot believe this happened she 74 and glam but the last year she has battled so hard with various ailments but she had pnemonia for second time in two months with heart failure. She was moved to a beautiful hospice..where she actually worked as volunteer on reception I was so grateful they had taken her I said we are going to holiday home now to look at the lake and birds are you glad she said yes. Within one hour of arriving she left us but I was with her taking last breaths. I have a brother who is a lot older than me and he has his own family and was not close to mum although je did visit over last year during long hospital stays and care homes. I do not have children of my own and it's always been me and mum holidays shopping theatres out with friends..so now I just feel lost and shocked and tired and like you linda how to face the funeral? I have so many friends who are also devastated and received so many flowers but I feel ill and weak and miserable shaking all the time. How can we ever be the same and I think because we saw our mum's suffer seem to remember that more than happy times? Lots of love to you

Hi Lindsay, Thank you for taking the time to reply, I am sorry that your mum has passed away. I do know how you feel, its just devastating and you feel like your world has ended. At this time, so early after our mums passing, you do feel that the crying and what you're feeling now will never end. It sounds as though you had a very loving relationship with your mum, I was the same with my mum and some people never experience that. I do believe that the spirit lives on and in some way, mum will be looking down and as she always used to say "not to worry". My mum had a strong faith and always said she had no fear of dying, that she was going to God, although she loved shopping and was slightly worried that heaven might not have any shops....she had a great sense of humour.

Please look after yourself, if not already done so, go to the Doctor, he/she will offer some advice, I didn't pick up the prescription in my case as hate taking tablets but I found the Lavender Kalms help a little and its herbal.Also just walking helps to calm me.

I like you am just remembering the last days rather than the happy times, I hope in time the happier memories will be at the fore-front.

I hope you have friends/family helping support you at this very sad time and helping with the funeral arrangements, we had the Minister visit us today to go through the order of service and I had to leave the room at one point, you can't stop the tears.

Although it doesn't feel like it now, people who have been through this loss say that although you never get over it, you get to a stage of acceptance and can move on; to me now, I can't see that happening but I cling onto the thought that I will get there.

A verse that I liked- The river of grief is deep and wide but happiness awaits you on the other side and the love of those around you, will take you there.

Thinking of you, take care, sending my love.

Dear little sis

i am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear mum and then your brother, no wander why you feel so lost.

i lost my dear father in September 2016, so have just passed the 2 year mark, but like you, I found this site and reading members who had passed 1-2 years and thinking no way will I ever feel any different , but you do startto feel less sad. 

I do not think I started to feel a little happier until passed the 1 year mark, where I was able to think of my dad in a happy way and not reliving the time he passed and the months after this. The grieve never leaves us it just presents itself in a different way and I have found that I think and act different since I lost my dad. 

There are times and always will be where I do have a sad moment but they are less.

time is a healer, which I do believe now, for you , you have 2 grieves which I can only imagine is unbearable but the only thing I would say to you is take it at your own speed and you will begin to think of your mum and brother in a happier way and you wont know you are doing it  until you wander why your mind feels lighter.

Grief does not get easier but living with it will, I lost both my parents and uncle very quickly and 5 months apart to cancer, then my 27yr old daughter diagnosed with breast cancer just before Xmas and it does make you an expert on cancer but also will make you a stronger person, take 1 day at a time and NEVER let anyone tell you they know how you feel as they rarely do unless they have been there, laugh about the good times and cry about the sad and you will get stronger.