Hi Steven so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mum to cancer and in a such a short space of time. I too lost my mum to metastatic Colon cancer in a short space of time diagnosed in Feb this year and passed end of April. She was 71 a bit older than your mum but I too feel like we were both robbed and she passed far too young. I am 39 and I had my children younger in life they are 17 and 12 and my mum adored them and looked after them a lot when they were younger. Please try not to let the sad passing of your mum and nan spoil yours and your partners excitement at becoming at parent although easier said than done. Your mum sounded like a lovely, kind person who am I'm sure was delighted at the prospect of becoming a grandma. She will live on in you and your new born daughter and you will never forget her. Have you considered giving your daughter your mums name as a middle name or anything like that? I'm five months down the line and each week does get slightly easier, although there is still lots of tears at times and she is always in my thoughts. Much love to you and your family Kirsty x

Hi Kirsty,

Thank you for your kind words, it is amazing how sharing your feelings with someone that fully understands does help ease the pain slightly. 

Yes 71 is way too young! Sending love to you and your family for your tragic loss. It is horrifc how quick cancer can take your loved ones.  

I now notice every grandma with their children/grand children and look around at other people living well into their 80's and 90's and I just think what she and I will miss out on. I think because I have no children (yet) or any siblings I just feel like a lost little boy almost as we are a very small family.  

Yes we are giving my mum's name to our baby girl as a middle name. Again thank you for your kind words. Blessings to you and your family xx

Hi, the emptiness is all consuming.after losing mum. I've been referred for counselling but am not sure anything will help. How can my mum die when she too was only in her 60s.its so cruel that she's going to miss out on seeing her grandchildren grow up. We only had a short time from diagnosis to death and it was too quick, we just wasn't ready. I miss her so much

Xx

Hi Lily if you don't mind me asking how long ago did your mum pass away and what sort of cancer did she suffer from? It takes a long time to fully accept what has happened especially when there is only a short time from diagnosis to death. It really is the worst feeling but it does slowly ease a little and your memories become only one's of happier times. You do feel robbed especially like Steven says when you see people a lot older than our mums out and about with grandchildren like my mum used to be. How old are your children? Me and my children talk about my mum often and laugh at the things she used to do and I find it helps me. Take up the offer of counselling you might find it helps you in some ways. Take care Kirsty x

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have a brother and sister who are quite a bit older than me so we have never been particularly close and I was the one who was closest to mum. I like yourself went to all her medical appointments with her and visited her a lot. I spend a lot of time thinking about what mum would be doing if she was alive and the holidays she would be going on etc. I don't like listening to hearing about other people's mums as I feel jealous they are still alive which sounds truly awful but I don't mean it. My partners mum is in her 80's and living life to the full I just wish my mum was still here doing that and watching her grandchildren grow up and doing all the things that used to make her so proud. Rant over lol much love Kirsty x

Hi Kirsty, mum died 3 weeks ago and we've just had the funeral. She was diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma out of the blue at the beginning of the year and things went downhill from there. 

I've got 3 children  who miss their nan terribly. I don't know how I feel anymore, emotions all over the place. I can't imagine life without mum in it, never to have her on the end of the phone or just there when I need a chat. She was everything to us and losing her just doesn't seem real. I have got so much going on in my head, the whole trauma of diagnosis, treatment  and prognosis  Our life has been on hold for so long so we could be there for mum that now the days are empty and long. I don't know how to start living again, each day just passes. I haven't taken time off work as I don't want to be at home alone , I'm kind of scared to stop and think about how much it hurts. Maybe counselling will help.

It's good to hear that you can talk to your children and laugh about your mum, I look forward to feeling that way too. 

Take care. Xx

Hi Steven 

Your post really hit home to me, i am going through something very similar. 

My Nan passed away in April, she was my rock and like another Mum to me as she brought me up with my mum when my dad left. We had a very special bond and im lost without her.

I’m glad to hear your having counciling, i personally have found it quite helpful but i know everyone responds to it differently. 

I dont really have much advice except to not beat yourself up about how you feel. Now that ive got to the end of this message i feel bad for not having any magic words of wisdom but to be honest i dont think there are any, i just wanted to reach out as i feel like im in quite a similar position. 

All the best, 

Laura

Hi Steven,

I completely agree that losing your mum is just heartbreaking and devastating. In June 2012 I had my 3rd child, my only daughter (very overdue) the day before my mum's birthday. March 2013 (just happened to be mother's day) I was about to get in the car and drive 60 miles to surprise her and take her out for lunch when I had a call that she was in hospital. We found out the she had lung cancer which had spread to her brain and by October she was gone. She was only 59 and still had so much life left to live. I was crushed. I struggled so much to celebrate my daughter's birthday one day and grieve that I wasn't celebrating mum's the next. I wanted her to be around so so much and in my children's lives, but felt she was cruelly snatched away. As time has passed and I watch my children grow, I take great comfort when I have a proud mummy moment that I know she would have loved it too. When I feel I've done a good job, I feel that she would be proud of me. When I feel like I'm doing a terrible job, I can hear her telling me to pull myself together. She was such a good mum and I honestly feel that she is right there with me whilst I navigate my way around this parenting maze! Being a parent reminds me of how she was always there while I was growing up, and inspires me to do my best as a parent myself. The bond we had helps me to create that bond with my own children. I find so much comfort from my own children as they fill the house with love.

I'm sure your mum will be there with you every step of the way. I see my mum in myself when I talk to the children which now just makes me smile instead of cry.

Best wishes on your journey. It is tough but I do hope you can find a way to enjoy the fond memories you have of you mum x

Hi Lily, 

I was just wondering how you are feeling and getting on at the moment? 

Did you manage to go to a councilor? 

Even 7 months down the line I’m still struggling and absolutely heartbroken. 

Sorry it’s been a while but thinking of you 

Steven xx

Hi Laura, 

Sorry it’s taken a while to reply! 

Thank you for reaching out to me and I’m also sorry to hear about your Nan. How old was she when she passed away? 

I’m still seeing my councillor; It’s been an horrific 7 months. 

Take care 

Steven