Hiya Anna, 

I am so sorry for your loss, there is no end to grief, it can hit us when we least expect it and it is always there. I've lost so many family members in the last few years and it still hurts. Losing someone so close, someone you have beside you every day is devastating and it will take a long time for it to become easier to deal with but since it has been three years maybe its worth speaking to a grief counsellor if you haven't already? My mum has one now because she has been unable to cope with my grandma's death and that was 2 years ago now, she says its helping and I know everyone is different. If you don'f feel comfortable doing that you can talk to us as much as you like, it helps when you can talk to people that understand. 

Bex