Hiya Terrie and welcome.  It is some years ago now that I lost my mum to cancer (lost my dad a few years later too but he died from pneumonia) and I know how shocking and frightening it is.  Glad to hear that you have good family - this does help.  As you will doubtless have seen if you have had a quick look through you will realise that a lot of people are suffering in the same way - although everyone's suffering is unique to them.  And the regrets - we all seem to have so many of them.  Don't be afraid to do whatever feels right for yourself and makes you feel a bit better.  This can vary so much from person to person.  I still have things that belonged to my mum and still find myself talking out loud as though she was there.  I hope you will find others who are recently bereaved in this way and with whom you are able to share what you are going through.  Was she ill for long?  Of course you don't have to tell us anything just because we ask!  Just tell us what you would like to say and helps you.  Annie