Hi Warren...

I know those last days /hours were so hard .. and most just can't get that image out of the pair heads .. and it becomes a living nightmare .. how would Leigh want you to remember him .. in those last painful days .. that was just a small fraction of his whole life .. he was the child on your knee .. the hand you held taking him to school ... the teenager with I'm sure lots of teenage memories ... and you did see him grow in to the amazing young man you've told us about ...

He was more then cancer, keep the well Leigh to the fore ... talk as much as you can ... and know, this will be a raw year .. do what you have to do .. hold on to any lifeline offered .. cancer claims many victims ... l hope you have close family to hold your hand now .. any time you need a chat, I'm here most days ..

Sending you a big hug, to laughs amazing dad ...   

Hello Leslie, thank you for your message. Most people (having not lived through what both your and my family have) find it strange that a father can be so effected, in the way that clearly your husband and I have. We are just people  and therefore our natural instinct is love. I was so sorry to read your story of Jonathan, but have taken comfort that I'm not alone although in the middle of the night it certainly seems that way. We were luckly, in that Leigh and I both knew how much we ment to each other and not many get that chance in life. I send much love to you and your family and can't thank you enough for your support. WarrenX

I know exactly what you are going through.  15 months ago my 29 year old son was diagnosed with papillary renal cancer,  Terminal diagnosis. He was such a clever boy,  got his doctorate degree in Physics from Durham university,  even had a scientific  paper published in his name.  He was living Newcastle and working in Durham when he was first diagnosed. Had Chemo at a hospital in Newcastle, then radiotherapy.  Then came back to Kent to be with us and also on a trial immunotherapy at a hospital in London.  Nothing worked and he died at the hospital in London 12..10.18. aged 30. We where allat his side when he passed,  It is so difficult to come to terms with this,  its getting worse as time goes on.  He was a wonderful son and like your son would never say a bad word about any one.  He was like a super Christian with out actually being one. Over a 100 people came to his funeral , good friends from university and good friends from his work place.  4 people gave a talk about my son,  including his junior school teachers, where he was head boy.  No words can describe the grief we are going through.  If there is a God , why does he / she or what ever.... allow this.   Coming to terms with this is impossible.  At the moment I cant look at his photo with out welling up. Some time life sucks .  We just have to take each day at a time. You have to force your self to think about other things . 

Hi, I lost my 23 year old son from Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma Disease in Dec 2014. He would have been 27 this year, he was also a healthy young fit man non-smoker and amazing person. He was my son,my best friend and my world. I know how you  feel, your a dead woman walking with a broken heart just like me, the physical pain inside your stomach aches and never goes away. Grief for a child is beyond any emotion you feel, trauma aniexty and vulnerable. All we can do is keep our sons memories alive. Please speak to me and reply to my email. X

Hello Ryan S, I hadn't checked my emails for so long and missed your message. Apologies for that, I've been quite ill and hospitalised with all the upset, which I'm sure you'll understand. I went to the forum today as it's my birthday and was told to check my messges. Your son and mine, both lost their lives to NHL and both lived their lives as good caring people. I'm told that cancer doesn't discriminate, but it does seem to pick on those who take care of themselves, who are loved and can love, which makes it even more unfair. He would have been 30 on 5th January, so with Christmas and his birthday not an easy time for anyone. I talk with Leigh everyday and hope that he can hear me. To loose your son at 23 is so hard to bare, he was just beginning to set out on lifes journey. Please tell me is name and what he wanted to do in life. X 

Hello Veramary. I was so sorry to read your message and hear of Peter's passing. I haven't checked my messages for sometime. I was hospitalised with the upset of it all in November. I was then put on a programme of counselling, which finished last week. Christmas (as you know) was barely managable and then he would have been 30 on 5th January. Today is my birthday and wanted to check my messages looking for some sign. 

Peter had a very hard time, but tried everything to survive. Leigh was the same and both you and I have good reason to feel very proud of the fight that they put up. I live in Inverness and his treatment was in London and he managed all those trips wthout complaint. I hadn't heard of MDS, but there are so many types of cancer all starting with the same core disease but effecting so many areas of the body. Everyday I pray that the doctors can make a break through which will stop this wicked disease shattering so many lives. A friend lost her son in the summer with bowel cancer, but he was in so much pain that he was put in a coma and lived for seven weeks like that. She was with him everyday watching and praying and it broke her and her husband. So although my faith was badly shaken by Leigh being taken from us I do give some thanks that he and us were given a slightly easier journey. I would love to hear more from you if you are able. I'm Leigh's Dad and people think it strange that I'm so badly affected, but he was my best friend as well. Warren X

I was so sorry to read your message. Apologies to have taken so long to get back to you, but I was hospitalised in November and then struggled with Christmas and Leigh's birhday was in early Jan. All those first anniversaries so quickly, one after the other. When you have someone in your life who starts as a child and growns into a terrfic resonsible person we are very blessed. That makes it so much more difficult when they are taken away... for a reason which makes no sense to us. 'They' say time is a great healer but, as we have found, as time moves on the situation gets worse; it's longer since we were with our sons and that ache grows more fierce everyday. I guess the best we can hope for is that we sort of get used to it all, but life is an unbearable muddle. You say your son was a super Christian without being one. I know exactly what you mean, it's about honest values, love and sharing. As parents we should be proud that our children took those qualities on, as they have learnt from us. I am angry with god for taking my son, that his life and potential was taken so early and for the huge gap that it's left in his loved ones and friends lives. That being said, we do feel blessed to have had sons of such exceptional quality and that we did get the chance to be with them during their live, were able to support and care for them during their illnesses and be there before and during their passing. There was nothing unsaid and the only regret that I have is that he died. I don't regret a day with him or what we did and didn't do together, he knew I worshipped him. My life with him was a fairytale but one that wasn't to have a happy ending. You say your son was in London for the trial can I ask which hospital? When Leigh was diagnosed they said it was treatable and curable but very aggrssive. As each stage failed (very quickly) everything was clung on to. When the trial started I realisied we had nowhere else to go The fighting through the chemo, the fighting through the stays in medical high dependancy, the fighting for a trial staying with him for 4 weeks in London all became a blur, but he accepted everything that was offered. He handled the last few days of his life with so much dignity and courage that I owe it to him to show the same in respect of his life. We got him home and during his last days many friends came to see him. They said he idolised me and was so very grateful for the wonderful life he'd had: I give thanks for that. Our lives will never be the same, but I'm his Dad and he is my son and nothing can change that. Remember that your son is your son forever. I'd lost sight of that in the emotion of it all: but we haven't lost them.  A few days before he died I said to him that people say that you come into the world with nothing and leave with nothing. But that's wrong because you leave with love. and that love will never change or die. Perhaps over time we will be forgotten, but that bond between us will stay forver.

|i have just been told my son is dying he is 42 \i love him so much and cannot imagine life without him, how am i going to cope he is a lovely gently boy , he has caused me heartache in the past but i never gave up on him, and now when we thought life was so good he has several cancerous brain tumours and lung cancer. i am so sad