My mum died last July. She was diagnosed with Triple Negative Breast Cancer in July 2015 and had a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. Just after Easter last year she started to have trouble swallowing and lost quite a lot of weight. The Doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. At the end of June she was admitted to Hospital and fitted with a peg tube but still continued to lose weight. After many tests, Doctors still didn't know what was wrong with her. After three weeks she had deteriorated a lot and we were told she was going to die. Six days later she died, but the doctors still didn't know what was wrong with her. I couldn't get my head around the fact she had walked into Hospital and never came out. She had a post mortem which came back inconclusive and then her brain was removed for further tests. This meant we were not allowed to have her funeral until October. In May, 10 months after she died, we finally found out after going to the Coroners Court, that she died of Carcinomatosis Meningitus, a tumour on her brain which had spread from the breast cancer.
My Mum did everything for my Dad, so after she died he was really lost and relied on me heavily. I tried to do all the things she did, making making jam and baked all the things she did for Christmas to try to have some form of normalacy. It was hard, but we (my husband, Dad and brother) got through it together.
I had to go back to work a week after my Mum died. Within a few weeks it was as if the majority of people had forgotten what I had gone through. In fact at Christmas I was asked at least twice whether I was spending it with my MUM and Dad!
In February my Dad went on a cruise with a female family friend. When he came back things had changed. It was obvious the two were now in a relationship. My Dad began lying to us about where he was and stopped making me feel welcome when I stopped at his house. He stopped wanting us to do anything together on a weekend and never arranged things for us to do on a bank holiday. Even when my brother sorted something out, my Dad chose not to spend with us instead choosing to spend it with his new girlfriend.
My brother and I were really upset about the situation, but my Dad refused to see our point of view. He now never joins in conversations about my Mum or says he misses her, just that he hasn't "forgotten" her. He now barely sees me and mostly rings to speak to my husband when I am at work yet still speaks to my brother. Since my Mum had died, he never comforts me when I cry.
Last week it was a year since my Mum died. My brother and I wanted us all to go out and celebrate her life. My Dad didn't understand what we were trying to do. He never mentioned her once throughout the day and I was left feeling more alone than I did the day she died. Although my brother says he agrees with me about the situation with my Dad, he says there is no point in saying anything as it won't change anything so my Dad thinks its only me who is not happy with him which is why he doesn't talk to me.
My Mum was the matriach of my family. The one we all turned to for help and advise. I feel lost without her and even after a year it still doesn't feel real she has gone. When I have tried to talk to my friends about the situation, all anyone seems bothered about is how my Dad is. They seem to forget that my brother and I are also grieving. They have told me that its been a year and my Dad deserves to be happy. My Mum and Dad was married for almost 47 years so I don't understand how he can move on so quickly and not think my brother and I would be upset about it? I have tried to tell my friends that I don't feel supported but none of them have actually listened or tried to be there for me.
I'm not sure what to do.
