Hi  Paulus

You're right people do deal with sudden loss/grief in so many differing ways. It takes us in differemt directions andI cannot even explain how and why I felt the way I did/still do at times.  Lost my hubby (not suddenly but with terminal cancer) and being a somewhat practical person I was able to deal with the clothes though kept a few 'special' items (I think this is possible due to my Mum doing it very quickly after my Dad passed away so I kind of knew how to approach it). This proved to be an emotional rollercoaster. However my daughter decided she would like to have memory bears made and asked if she could take a few items with this in mind.  Both her, her two children and now my son's daughter (who never met her grandad) all have Memory Bears which have helped with the grieving process along with the Memory Boxes we put together.

When the time is right you will know how you wish to proceed but I find some things still take me time to process and it has been over 3 years now! 

Jules54

Hi thanks i delt with some stuff straight away clothes etc . I was mainly that everytime i saw things of lizs it broke me up . I was talking to another lady on here and ive realized i just have to desensitize myself to pics then bring out other things .your right on the nail about people grieving in different ways ime so sorry for your loss to i cant imagine how you must feel but thanks for your kindness . Liz had stroke after chemo then sepsis and was gone in two days so neither slow nor quick but it was cancer to blame it was so unexpected it floored me no warning but from what ive read it was a blessing to go peacfully but left me in pieces . Ime slowly getting rid of toiletrys and kitchen stuff i dont think about it c it pick it up and throw it away liz would understand she was a widow and she told me she did same .regards paul

hi Paulus

i cannot let anything go at all.as regards pictures,im obsessed with posting them of my partner Jayne who sadly passed on 10th feb,she was my world i cannot imagine my future without Jayne in it,and im not coping with the loss at all,so far ive had 2 bereavement counselling sessions which at the moment have made me feel worse ,more so because its made me question the amount of time i spent elsewere in my life doing things which didnt include Jayne,so im feeling guilty as ive realised even more how much i loved her and how much she meant to me,i thought we had 20 or 30 more years to spend time together.like ive rerad on different sites we all grieve differently.and some of us have family and friends who try to give us comfort.me ive the opposite as regards my partners family they have made me feel like a leper and in no way given any positive help.im now done with them im not going answer the phone if they call .im going avoid them like the plague,sadly we were not married and the house which weve lived in for 21 years was in my partners name so my lifes far from easy as if losing my best friend lover and soul mate isnt enough ive got every chance im going be homeless very soon.sorry ive gone off topic but seems i open up and spout off my problems to anyone who will listen or read them.i hope you find some inner peace and you learn to live with the loss.

Hi sorry about your brother if there not causing a problem leave them just wait you will know when its its right you may throw things away and regret it later its a question i think we all ask ourselves .if they need to be move get everyone together have a keep bag rubbish and a charity one i would hang on to phone they take up no room but its imazing how much a lump of plastic can mean to us .p

Hi,

I thought I'd reply after seeing this because it is a subject that I've really struggled with.  My wife passed at the end of November 2018 and I miss her terribly. With regards to her possessions, I just cannot touch them. All of her clothes are where she left them, her handbag too, even her hospital bag is still packed up on the bedroom floor packed up ready to go at a moment's notice, even her toothbrush still sits in the pot in the bathroom!

I just find the thought of touching her things so overwhelmingly disrespectful, it's like I can't touch them just incase she comes home and needs them again.  I know I'm kidding myself there, but I'm not ruthless enough to make the changes just yet.

Bless her, I miss her terribly.

James

Hi james if your struggling to move things dont or at least do it slowly having all that stuff around might be keeping you in that black hole why not just move them slowly into a spare room thats what i did .at least till you can come to terms with it you dont need reminding of your loss 24/7 nothings gone it is not disrespectfull i loved my partner just as much as anyone else .explain to your kids to they must be suffering terribly loosing there mum probably more as they will have seen the loss of there mum and now seeing there dad in peices .they will not understand just try and hold it together it does get easier .p

Hi to all those who have recently posted on this thread.

It is four years since I lost hubby and I can only echo other replies in that it takes people different time scales to deal with many decisions including personal belongings. 

When I lost my Dad, my Mum could not bear the constant reminders  that his clothes etc brought to her and they had had a marriage of over 58 years.  She said her memories were enough to be going on with and so I helped her with the re-cycling/clearance process just a few weeks after his death.

When I lost my own hubby I spoke openly of my own feelings with my two adult children and it was about three months after his loss that we dealt with this between us.  As my daughter wanted memory bears for herself and my then two grandchildren we held back a couple of suits and she arranged to have these items made (keeping the left over material 'just in case').   When my son and daughter in law had their first child another memory bear was 'born' and my latest grandchild bears my hubby's name.

It is okay to do what is right for you and emotional attachments are the hardest to see through during grief.  I have to be really honest and say that after a marriage of 37 years there are no end of memories that get me through day to day and many a time 'in my head' I will make decisions that I almost feel he would have approved of but are still, nonetheless, diffucult to reach.

Jules54

What a good idea memory bears i thaught i was odd not being able to bear seeing my partners stuff but putting it out of sight till you get stronger was best for me but it james choice if your down in the pits reminded 24/7 werever you look dosnt help  Regards paul 

Just a suggestion.  If your loved one had an interest in a particular charity then you could perhaps bring yourself to donate the items to a charity shop in memory of the decased.  I know it doesn't resolve the bigger problem but at least you would feel that it would be something that would have been appreciated by the dear one you have lost.  Annie

Hi annie hope your doing ok and legs better .ive sorted everything thanks abby didnt leave me much but its enough . Its all got a bit mixed up on this tread .regards paul