I'm new to this. All of this. Cancer, this forum, the grieving etc. Ive always been close with my granny. She's my best friend and I've lived with her for 6 years. I can't imagine not getting up for school in the morning and not having her there to kiss me goodbye, or coming home from school to tell her the gossip or tell her what hymn we sing in assembly that morning. I've just turned 18 and I'm not ready for her to go. She's in her final stages of ovarian cancer. I don't know how to deal with everything. I find myself crying constantly. I find it so hard to see her like this, unable to move around, unable to eat and unable to do the things she once was capable of doing. I feel like I want to distance myself from the situation because it feels less real if I do. But I know I'll regret it when she passes. I'm angry with everything. I'm angry at the doctors for not spotting it sooner, I'm angry at my granny for not being able to eat, I'm angry at other people who are able to live longer than her. I know I shouldn't be angry, but I can't help it. I don't want to talk to my mum about this because I know she's feeling the effects of it as well, even more so because it's her mum that's dying. My poor grandad is doing the best he can to stay in high spirits and take one day at a time, but I can see the effects it has on him. They've been together for 60 years and he adores my granny, like the rest of the family. I don't think I can handle it when she goes. In a few months, my best friend won't be here. I'm scared and heartbroken when I go to bed every night because I think that this could be the last time I ever tell her "I love you" or I ever see her again. I can't tell you how agonising it is