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Feeling lost without my Mum

Sezza40
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I am new to this forum and to all of these feelings.  My Mum was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer in Feb 2017 and I lost her on the 21st Oct. she was 60.  I’ve been doing great with keeping it all together and keeping all my promises to her.  I have a great group of friends and 2 great brothers but I choose not to share my feelings with them as I don’t want to burden them and most of the time I cope.  “Most”, lately the little breakdowns in the bathroom on my own are becoming more frequent and today my youngest received a lovely school report, and I just had no one to tell and it honestly felt like my legs had been taken away, as dramatic as that sounds the overwhelming need to speak to my mum was crazy.     I’m not looking for sympathy or a response even I just wanted to write this somewhere before my feelings just exploded.  

 

Thank you 

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    I do not know you but know exactly what you are going through,except my mum did not inform she had liver cancer,she passed away on november8  2017  at exactly 6 pm at the queens medical centre in Nottingham,I only found out from the doctors and nurses she was poorly

    And from a message on my uncles phone she had passed away

    Everyday gets harder,I cry everyday for her,missing her saying come in my bedroom for half an hour before you go to bed,waking up hi darling did you have a good night

    Making my cereal,or saying that looks nice. For our dinner

    She was just 67 when she passed away,I am only 45

     

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    Hi, so sorry for your loss. I'm new to the forum and to this gut-wrenching pain. My mum passed away a month ago and her birthday would have been this week. Just like you, I feel so lost.

    She'd been fighting gallbladder cancer for 2yrs but after chemo and a second chance with a third operation this year we were told she was all clear and the 5yr wait began. Unfortunately cells were too small for the scans and she was soon symptomatic and we were told it was back, spread and untreatable. She didn't want to know how long but we thought the summer. 12 days later she passed away.

    Feel cheated that we had hope only to have it ripped suddenly away. She was semiconscious so quickly that we had no time. She was an amazing Grandma to my 3 young children and had looked after them when I was at work. I used to call her every night on the days I didn't see her. I so wanted to share the news of her eldest's KS1 report but couldn't. My youngest pair had their trial days at reception and I couldn't tell her how they did. I miss my mum and want her to cuddle up to. It's true that losing your mum is the first grief you feel without her there to support, and oh how I want her.

    Trying to be a mum still and be at the demands of my children and be there for them and their grief is so hard. Some days they are a distraction but others I just want to shut myself away and be alone to process and grieve myself.

    Sorry for the long reply, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.

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    Hi there Sezza

    MY heart breaks for you... I can only imagine what you are going through ... well to be honest we are playing a waiting game at the moment with my own mum as she has been told their is nothing they can do and her myeloma cancer has won and she also has kidney failure so it’s a matter of time, she doesn’t know how long she has, she is now receiving pallative care we are just devastated as a family at the momenty youngest boys who are 11 and 9 only know that nanny has got sicker.  All our holidays have been cancelled as my mum would not be fit for holiday as she gets tired quickly and tends to sleep a lot.

    please feel free to contact me.....xxx

     

    sazjo

  • Offline in reply to fatherkevin14

    I’m so sorry for your loss.  It’s a very lonely and difficult time 

  • Offline in reply to Ann88

    Thank you for sharing, I also have 3 children and my mum was a nanny to 9 grandchildren although she passed 4 weeks before meeting my youngest niece.   Mum was my best friend and it’s very hard to find any positives in life without her, but like you children are a distraction and I try to keep it all as normal as possible for them as I’m sure you do too.  Grief has a nasty little way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.  X 

  • Offline in reply to Sazjo20

    Bless you, what you are about to go through is horrendous, I won’t sugar coat it for you.  From the moment I knew Mum was terminal a enormous clock appeared over my family and it’s ticking was deafening.  The fear of not knowing how long or when or how was the worst part of mums fight.    I look back and for the most part I made every single second count.  I made so many lists of things I would do with Mum before the clock stopped. Places I would take her but she was to Sick for any of it but instead I just sat with her and I talked and talked and she talked and it was the most precious time ever.  She told me to ask her as much about my childhood as I could because she told me I would feel like I lost my childhood when she would go as she had felt like that when my Nan past.   I recorded her voice so I can always here her and I told her I loved her a millions times.   However you spend these precious moments with your mum just make them count.   I wish you nothing but peace and if you ever need someone to talk to please get in touch xx 

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