Hey all!
I am new to this forum and have decided to post in the hope to get some advice.
I live in the UK and my mother lives abroad. She has had cancer for 7 years. It first started in her colon and after many surgeries and recurrences, a tumour on her cervix was found. It is inoperable and chemotherapy caused very severe bleeding, so it had to be stopped. Since stopping chemo for 3 months the tumour has grown and is now pressing on a nerve on her leg.
All of the above has caused severe emotional and physical pain to my mother. She can't walk properly and has stopped eating. She has been dehydrated and needed an IV drip of fluids today.
I live in the UK and she lives abroad. Her partner is her primary caregiver. I have been advised by him and others to go back and visit her, as the end might be near. She, however, isn't keen on me coming back. She says I can't do anything to help her and that there is no point. Our relationship has been very hard all my life, we have never gotten on well, so I have mixed feelings about what I want. I am so confused at the moment, as everyone is pitching in with their opinions but they don't understand our relationship dynamic. I know that if I go back to see her we will not have any nice conversations or do anything enjoyable. I know she will just be crying to me and telling me how she wants to be dead. She seema confused and spiteful every time we speak on the phone and every time I have been back to visit her, she has talked about suicide. She has refused counselling or any other help for this, just takes Xanax now.
I am not sure how to cope with all of this!? I have had time to prepare but I am not actually there and cannot see how ill she is. My anxiety has gotten worse over the last few days and my heart races every time I look at my phone, expecting a call from abroad about her. I can't sleep and barely try to keep it together during the day. I am also not sure if I want to go and see her, especially since she isn't keen on me coming back.
I am also 22 and an only child. I have no other relatives around, so I will also have to take care of everything when she passes.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Any advise on how to cope?
Many Thanks all!