I am so sorry for your loss. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better, but just know that there are others on this site who can relate to some of what you're feeling. Do you have a therapist or someone that you would be able to speak to? I think it would be best to try to talk about this if you want with poeple that you can trust. Hopefully there are some other people on here that can offer some advice to you as well.
