I lost my mum on Sunday. She had Burketts lymphoma 12 years ago, and 3 weeks ago had a few falls. She got taken into hospital and was told it was a severe water infection and sepsis. Then they said her white blood cells were low and looking to see if her lymphoma had returned. They managed to do a biopsy last Thursday, but we never got the results as she deteriorated so fast and passed away around midnight Saturday. The cause of death was listed as non-hodgkins lymphoma. I'm 34, an only child. My dad died of lung cancer in 2002, and we lost my uncle to cancer in Feb last year and my auntie in almost exactly the same way as my mum in September. 

I miss my mum so much, but I'm worried I'm not feeling as sad as I should be. I'm terrified I'm going to break down at the funeral, or after it's all over. I have to go to the solicitors tomorrow to be formally appointed as the executor of her estate. 

Sorry this is a bit rambly, I'm just feeling so lost right now.