Ian you dont have to apologize for feeling the way you do. We were trying to get you so you could help yourself but you cant but i can tell you it will make you stronger it sad jayne jayne didnt leave you better prepared but it dosnt matter now all you can do is play it as it comes but you will come through it for jaynes sake sorry cant advise you anymore yesterday was the second birthday without liz but it was nothing like the first one that was terrible so you see no matter what you feel now in a years time you will look back on this horrible time and maybe read a story from someone in your position now and think thank goodness i dont feel like that now its a healing process some take years some some not so long there will always be that nagging pain of loss but the guilt and all the raw feelings will have gone we human beings can cope with anything its the way we are made i realy cant add anymore or want to as it brings it back .try and put a post on asking for advice crissie has given so much support on here including me in a big way but its a two way street she was trying to help you we've tried everything else that ladies a trogen one of the backbones of this site and shes ill herself theres many others that give advice they arnt tv stars so they dont get mbes or knighthoods but they deserve somthing and it helps us to.

thank you for trying help Paul.

ive been to a service today at the hospice,i thought jaynes family might of been there,but unbeknown to me i was next of kin at the hospice.so was the only one informed,if known i would of told the family,alas i didnt know.i had a very emotional chat with the chaplin before the service.as expected i cried quite a bit before and after,i got to light a candle for Jayne.the chaplin did a speach talking about when she lost her mum 22 years ago.she was very articulate and explained about grief saying that you never really get over the loss of a loved one but learn to live with the pain.and that everyone is different at coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.theres no time scale or rights and wrongs of how we grieve.got my next bereavement session tuesday morning.im glad i went and glad i showed how much Jayne meant to me.she was my everything.good luck Paul.hope things work out for you.

Yep thats thats about it ian its a dull ach you live with ive lost mym and dad you just have to soldier on nothing no matter haw we feel or say at the time 

thank you Paul,ive no great expectations on how im going cope or when it might happen,one hour at a time and see how it goes.

Yes ian one day at a time sucks i know but thats all you can do

Yep ian one hour at a time then a day at a time thats how it works sucks i know