Hello there tonic, and welcome.  Don't be too hard on yourself; grief strikes us all differently.  Some find that after a while it gradually starts to be a bit less painful; in others it can come back and bite you when you think you have got over it; and generally there is no hard and fast rule.  We are all different.  When you get to my age (65) there is a bundle of grief that occasionally comes and goes even when the people I loved died many years ago.  I still sometimes feel the unfairness of it in some cases.  Other people I loved a great deal but the grief I feel is not necessarily the most acute when I think of them.  It is all a bit mysterious but don't let it worry you unless it is seriously intruding in your life.    When you talk of "letting go" in one sense you never totally let go as the loved one is always going to be a part of you.  You might find it helpful to ring Cruse Bereavement Care (Freefone 0808 808 1677) who are a well-known charity who help you make sense of grief.  I am told that in some areas they are having to ask some people to wait a short while bit you could try it and see.  (Lots of charities are sadly suffering from loss of funding.)  In any event take a look at their website as there is some good information there.  Don't beat yourself up; surely your John would not have wanted you to do this.  Just give it time, go with it, seek help and continue to post here and chat with the many people on this forum who have been in your position.  Annie

Hello there tonic, and welcome.  Don't be too hard on yourself; grief strikes us all differently.  Some find that after a while it gradually starts to be a bit less painful; in others it can come back and bite you when you think you have got over it; and generally there is no hard and fast rule.  We are all different.  When you get to my age (65) there is a bundle of grief that occasionally comes and goes even when the people I loved died many years ago.  I still sometimes feel the unfairness of it in some cases.  Other people I loved a great deal but the grief I feel is not necessarily the most acute when I think of them.  It is all a bit mysterious but don't let it worry you unless it is seriously intruding in your life.    When you talk of "letting go" in one sense you never totally let go as the loved one is always going to be a part of you.  You might find it helpful to ring Cruse Bereavement Care (Freefone 0808 808 1677) who are a well-known charity who help you make sense of grief.  I am told that in some areas they are having to ask some people to wait a short while bit you could try it and see.  (Lots of charities are sadly suffering from loss of funding.)  In any event take a look at their website as there is some good information there.  Don't beat yourself up; surely your John would not have wanted you to do this.  Just give it time, go with it, seek help and continue to post here and chat with the many people on this forum who have been in your position.  Annie

Thanks for your reply Annie,I'm fine really ,some days I'm busy and don't think to much and some days the smallest thing hits a nerve.It is a natural process and it would be strange not to feel anything after being together for 46years.x tonic