Sammijo,

I secretly drink too much. A nip from the bottle, hiding the empties. I am very aware of my problem especially afterwards the sense of guilt about everything and feeling I am responsible is sometimes overwhelming and I have another go. I break the cycle. As I have now. I know this is a public site and potentially someone I know will read this.

I don't think you are a Jinx.  I don't believe everything is your fault. And I know people around you think this. The trouble is when you believe it, it seems true.  Your amazing partner can help you here I'm sure. Maybe you just need more assurances.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Dad.  You will grieve for him but please don't feel guilty for his death.

Kindest thoughts

Davud

Hi Sammijo and welcome to the forum although I'm so sorry to read about your situation and would like to offer you my deepest sympathy on the loss of your father.

As Dafra has said above, you are not a jinx and it is not your fault this has happened so please try not to be too hard on, or blame, yourself for what has happened. I know you've said that you've started drinking heavily and other things so as you know you are struggling at the moment it may be worth thinking about seeing your GP and letting them know what you're going through as they will be able to help you through this tough time. Cruse bereavement may prove to be a valuable resource at this time as well so do have a look at the link I've provided and get in touch with them if you'd like to talk to someone about this.

I know there isn't much I can say or do that will change how you feel at the moment but we are here for you.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator