Struggling to cope with losing my mum

This is my first post here. I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer just over 3 weeks ago. It was all very sudden, she was diagnosed and less than 3 weeks later she had passed away. It’s killing me inside, I honestly don’t know how to go on without her. She wasn’t just my mum she was my best friend and we did everything together. I have 2 children, my youngest was only 2 weeks old when she passed away and I can’t believe she will never know him. She absolutely adored my eldest and would see him several times a week, they absolutely adored each other and it was like he had 2 mums which I loved. How do I ever get over this? I don’t want to feel like this forever but can’t see how this pain will ease? I feel like nobody understands how I feel and I’m terrified of life without her by my side. We told each other things that we didn’t tell anyone else and were each other’s greatest confidante. I feel so lonely even though I have other people around me, she was my everything and I never dreamed I would be left without her, she was so young at 54. I’m 30 and all I keep thinking is life feels like such a long hard path to tread without her. The only thing keeping me going is my 2 beautiful boys and wanting to be as brilliant a mum to them as she was to me. I can’t bear that she was taken from us so cruelly and suddenly, I was there at the end and it was so awful. I long to hear her voice again, pick up the phone and have a chat just because. My phone rang earlier and for a split second I thought it might be her...it’s torture.

will I always feel like this? I can’t stand the thought of this being my reality now but I can’t imagine going through life and not wanting to ask her advice or share news with her. Can anyone that’s been through this offer any hope? I know it’s early days but it’s all I can think about and I’m scared I’ll never be able to live a somewhat normal life. I miss her so so much.

Parents
  • Hello so sorry for the loss of your mum. Its now 3 months today since I lost my Mum suddenly to pancreatic cancer. Mum was diagnosed on 2nd Jan 2018 and passed away 31st Jan 2018. Watching mum fade away was heartbreaking for us all and she was so brave. 3 months on the pain is still unbearable and I totally relate to how you feel, especially the loneliness. I just wanted everything to stop but life carries on ...what I can say is that each day I am trying to remembe all the positive things in Mums life. I have started a memory box and have framed photos of Mum dotted around the house so she is never far away. I have a close friend who's Mum also died very young from Pancreatic cancer and she has helped me over the last few months. Our mums live on in us. I do not think I will ever get over losing Mum, feels like life has changed for ever but each day I am learning to cope just about!
Reply
  • Hello so sorry for the loss of your mum. Its now 3 months today since I lost my Mum suddenly to pancreatic cancer. Mum was diagnosed on 2nd Jan 2018 and passed away 31st Jan 2018. Watching mum fade away was heartbreaking for us all and she was so brave. 3 months on the pain is still unbearable and I totally relate to how you feel, especially the loneliness. I just wanted everything to stop but life carries on ...what I can say is that each day I am trying to remembe all the positive things in Mums life. I have started a memory box and have framed photos of Mum dotted around the house so she is never far away. I have a close friend who's Mum also died very young from Pancreatic cancer and she has helped me over the last few months. Our mums live on in us. I do not think I will ever get over losing Mum, feels like life has changed for ever but each day I am learning to cope just about!
Children
  • Thank you so much for all your kind words. I’m so sorry you’re all going through this heartbreak yourselves. I’m still struggling... I’m realising that it’s all for real, my mum is never coming back and I’m not really sure how to handle it. Life is carrying on all around me, people are laughing and happy which is great for them but devastating for me. I just want my mum to tell me everything is going to be ok, but she can’t and I feel like it never will be on again. I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m just longing for her voice and company. I know it would break her heart to see me like this so I’m trying my best to pull myself out of this but it’s so very hard. There’s no one in this world who understood me like she did. I’m completely heartbroken. I just have to try and believe it when people tell me time heals and it will get better.

  • Hello pleased to talk again. I do not believe time heals ...my life has changed forever but I can say I feel like a different person now and gradually you learn to cope with the grief each day. I started to sort Mums things today and her mobile phone had me in tears....Mum loved her mobile as it was her lifeline as she lived alone. I have found this site comforting over the last three months and has helped me very much. Keep in touch