This is my first post here. I lost my mum to pancreatic cancer just over 3 weeks ago. It was all very sudden, she was diagnosed and less than 3 weeks later she had passed away. It’s killing me inside, I honestly don’t know how to go on without her. She wasn’t just my mum she was my best friend and we did everything together. I have 2 children, my youngest was only 2 weeks old when she passed away and I can’t believe she will never know him. She absolutely adored my eldest and would see him several times a week, they absolutely adored each other and it was like he had 2 mums which I loved. How do I ever get over this? I don’t want to feel like this forever but can’t see how this pain will ease? I feel like nobody understands how I feel and I’m terrified of life without her by my side. We told each other things that we didn’t tell anyone else and were each other’s greatest confidante. I feel so lonely even though I have other people around me, she was my everything and I never dreamed I would be left without her, she was so young at 54. I’m 30 and all I keep thinking is life feels like such a long hard path to tread without her. The only thing keeping me going is my 2 beautiful boys and wanting to be as brilliant a mum to them as she was to me. I can’t bear that she was taken from us so cruelly and suddenly, I was there at the end and it was so awful. I long to hear her voice again, pick up the phone and have a chat just because. My phone rang earlier and for a split second I thought it might be her...it’s torture.

will I always feel like this? I can’t stand the thought of this being my reality now but I can’t imagine going through life and not wanting to ask her advice or share news with her. Can anyone that’s been through this offer any hope? I know it’s early days but it’s all I can think about and I’m scared I’ll never be able to live a somewhat normal life. I miss her so so much.