There’s nothing abnormal in the way you are reacting please don’t think that there is. 

Of course you are normal, missingmum.

It is only 2 weeks since she died and how can you not feel such terrible pain.

It was your Mum's choice not to tell about her condition.  I would think she thought she was protecting everyone.  Her change in personality towards the end must be due to disease and drugs.  Don't feel angry for not realising or being told sooner what was going on.  Yes you must feel anger at not having opportunity to speak to her, the horrible disease that took her, her missing the lovely things happening now.  But eventually try to replace this with the memories of her and all happy things you shared with her.

Bearing this pain is a normal grieving process which we all have to go through and I'm sure many here will tell you that it fades eventually.  It may help to seek some professional counselling maybe through your GP.

With deepest sympathy

David

You're as normal as the next person. Such a mad mix of emotions come with grief. I lost my mum many years ago, and later discovered there were things she hadn't told me. It felt like she'd lied. It was difficult to forgive.

Feel what you feel. There's little point comparing how people react. You'll find a way forward and be able to cope in the long run. 

Hi,

We often get people asking on here whether or not they should tell their children that they have been diagnosed with cancer. Your story illustrates only too well why they should. Putting off sharing bad news only stores up grief and torment until after you have died which is far worse to deal with than being given news of the diagnosis and having time to support your loved one and mentally prepare for their eventual death. 

There is no such thing as normal when it comes to grieving. We all do it differently, at different speeds and we all show different signs externally. My own way of grieving might come across as cold and uncaring, someone else might seem gushing and over-emotional. We all cope as best as we can. After my own Mum died of cancer, I carried in as normal, I even had a job interview between her dying and the funeral, I was sociable during the funeral and afterwards. It was only several months later that I started grieving properly, by which time almost everyone else had forgotten about it. Strangely it was when my dog died that the grief was triggered.

Best wishes

Dave

Thanks for your Kind Words.

Deep Down I know it’s Normal. I thought loosing my Grandparents whilst in my 20s was Upsetting but Mum is a Whole different “ Ball Game “ xx

When I say Anger it’s a Strange form of Anger. I respect that Mum wanted to Protect us and she was so Brace to endure 3 Years of Worry and Pain on Her Own.

 I am more Angry at the World and Mother Nature. Although mum had a Church Ceremony I have no Belief as such . Wish I had in some ways but I guess I wouldn’t find it any easier.

I have many Happy Memories that are tucked away in my Head. Eventually I will go Through Photos etc and make a Memory Book.

 Dad appears to be Coping but I know after being together 55 years he must be Completely lost. I know he is trying to keep things together for us but he has lost not just a Wife but Best Friend and Soul Mate. I worry about him so much.

I am terrified of Losing anyone else. As I mentioned above my Husband has already come through Cancer twice in 4 Years and as if I didn’t worry about him enough and am Terrified about Results of Regular Scan Results in these past 2 weeks I have been on his back more then ever before. He too is Hurting about my mum, worrying about me and all I do is Nag him.

Sorry I am just going on and on with the things I am saying I just can’t think Rationally.

Grief hits us all at Some Time. I am not alone, I know that now more than ever.

I appreciate everyone of you for replying above.

 I will have lots more to Spill out here in the next Days Weeks and Months.

My 1st hurdle will be getting back to Work. I was meant to go today but couldn’t xx

Dave, I totally get the fact that loosing your Dog Triggered your Grief.

A lot of People don’t understand that loosing Pets trigger so many emotions too.

Ironically my Parents lost 2 Spaniels over the years and had them Cremated and kept their Tiny Caskets. Dad had a Slight bit of Comfort from the fact they were placed in Mum’s Coffin last week to be Buried with her. I think Dad feels they are all together again.

Pets are Family too x

Aww that's so nice. I've still got my dog's ashes, I'm saving them to be scattered with mine :-) 

Dave that is such a bitter sweet thing to arrange.

I still miss my long dead parents and think of them now on special occasions or looking at photos. But all of my dogs are around every day I look at my current bundle of fun. She is such a comfort these days.

David

I defenitely agree. When no one else is around I always have my Crazy Spaniel