Oh how I can relate to your post ! My mum passed away a year ago and I think about her and miss her every day. The first few months really are terrible and regret is a normal part of the grief process. Of course you are missing your mum terribly and will miss her in the future but please try to focus on all of the good times you shared. Focus on how she would want you to go on and live your life. You are your mum's daughter and always will be ....nothing not even death can change that ! Things that helped me during these first months was keeping some of her clothing near to hand sprayed with her scent. Sleeping in her nightdresses, sleeping in her bed. Looking at photo's and videos of her, yes they caused me pain because I miss and love her so much but they helped. Mothers Day was terrible as was her birthday and mine as well as other anniversaries and Christmas. However I coped by still marking her memory in some way. I still got her cards and displayed them on my mantlepiece next to some flowers. I made her a posy . All of these things keep your mums memory nearby and give you something to focus on . Remember too that the pain you feel, well its a testimony of the love you shared. My dear friend, there is a long road ahead but things do get easier over time. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs.

First off I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. My Mother just passed away on February 26th from lung cancer. I relate to every single thing you have written in your post. I had an amazing and special relationship with my Mom also. I was never embarrassed to say I’m a Mamas boy. I’m pretty a little bit older than you, I am 31 but still feel that is too young to lose my Mother, so trust me I feel all of your pain. I also look back and regret or think about any fight or any negative thing between me and my Mom. Even though there was hardly any bad times. We had so many amazing times and so many beautiful memories, but sometimes I obsess about any little fight. I think that is probably a normal thing for people to do to be honest. I think we both need to realize just how lucky and blessed we are to have such a special and beautiful relationship. We are in soo much agonizing pain because we were so close to our loving Mother. A lot of people can’t even say that so I guess we should try and see that as such a blessing. I too feel so hopeless about the future and feel angry one minute and then just complete emptiness another minute. I don’t know exactly what I can say to help because I’m looking for guidance myself. Just know that you are not alone my friend. I’m there hurting with you. The wound will never heal it will always be a scar for us because the truth is you can’t and don’t want to “heal” but eventually that wound will be a scar that we learn to live with. If that makes any sense. I am a firm believer that your Mom is with the horses and waterfalls and she is looking down on you as is my Mom. One day we will all be together again. Good luck and God bless you Wonderwoman and remember your beautiful Mother is with you every day just live your life as she would want you to.

Thank you for this. Last week I was a complete mess and incredibly depressed. I wasn't eating and couldn't seem to get myself out of bed. Last Saturday was her memorial and it offered me more comfort then I thought it would bring. Although it was a sad day, it was beautiful to see almost every one of her friends attend. The memorial has helped me this week with getting through life one step at a time. I have not felt the same crippling depression as last week but I know it is there. During the day if I am home alone I will go into her room and look through her closet and lay down in her bed where we held hands during the last few weeks of her life. Sorry, I'm rambling, but it feels good to just sit here and type to someone. Thank you for your post, it's helping me knowing that other people share the same feelings and that I am not alone.