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How to go on?

JuliaJ
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My mom left her physical body nearly 2 months ago. It has been a confusing roller coaster of numbness, pain, tears, heartbreak, and shock. Some days are fine- I can laugh and play and be grateful for my life. Some days I am in a pit of darkness. Most days, I feel grey and blah and I just can't really see how I'm going to live the rest of my life. I don't understand how any of it is worth it if my mom isn't here- and if living the rest of this life means missing her and being sad and living with that emptiness.

That's where I'm at now. Not at either extreme, but in the middle, where nothing really seems worth it. Has anyone else had this experience? It is almost worse than being totally depressed and crying all the time. I would rather feel something strong that makes sense- this in between, this lackluster way of seeing the world, this inability to care about work or friends or anything else, is really difficult. 

How do you get through it? How do you get through the depression and the apathy?

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    Hi, so sorry for your loss. Have you been to the doctor? Are you talking to friends and family about how you’re feeling? My mum passed 5 weeks ago. I’ve beem to the doctor twice and she’s now referred me for counselling (as I found mum passed away). I’ve also sobbed to my husband and to a friend who lost her dad so understands. Just talking to people about it helps. You will get through. It’s so hard, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, much harder than I’d have thought.

    youre not alone. Sending hugs

    xxx

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    Dear JuliaJ

    my heart goes out to you as this is how I felt when my dear father passed away 19 months ago.

    after my dad’s funeral, I was ok for a few weeks and then started To into a very dark place in my mind, I did not care if I lost my job, friends or even husband, all I wanted was to go to the same place my dad went. I did not seek any medical help as was still continuing with every day things just with a could not care less attitude and I even still had my mum to guide her through.

    all I can advise is be easy with your feelings, I am a lot longer down the line, and found by doing things to remember my dad by helped, so things like an entry in the crematorium book so he is never forgotten, having his favourite drink on his birthday, etc.. and eventually life did continue but in a different way. 

    I would not say it gets easier , I just think your mind comes to an agreement that life has to continue so just get through it as best you can.

    take care

     

     

     

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    Hi Julia,

    It sounds to me as if you are going through a totally normal grief experience. 

    Grief is natural and is different from depression ( which is an illness ) 

    The apathy you describe is common to many. All I can say is please be gentle and understanding with yourself. It's very early days for you.  The normal shock, numbness and terrible trauma grief causes to us both psychologically and physically can be enormous.  Your body is probably exhausted and needs to rest. Please give yourself time to rest, time to sleep and duvet days where you can just be left alone at difficult times. 

    On better days try to meet up with family and friends even if you don't want to. 

    Don't be afraid to talk about your mum with others.  Good friends will listen and support you. 

    Ask the GP for counselling to give you somewhere to vent your thoughts and feelings. 

    This feeling of nothing being worthwhile is really common amongst those of us who have lost our mums. It's a totally normal response and I think may be part of the numbness. 

    My heart goes out to you .

    Take things easy and give yourself the gift of kindness and time. 

     

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