My Dad passed away yesterday

After the most difficult week fighting to survive my loving and caring Dad passed away yesterday morning. He had been diagnosed with stomach cancer that had spread to the liver in Aug 2017. The cancer was spreading too quickly but he kept fighting even up until the last few hours. I know deep down he had to pass, there’s no way he could have survived the aggressive nature of his cancer and no one should have to go through what he has been through. I stayed by his bed side caring for him with my Mum and brother for the last 7 days and was there for every moment with or without sleep, I know this would make him proud and that there is nothing we as a family could have done more of - my Mum and brother were so brave. We held his hands and walked with him to the end, at his pace, making sure he was comfortable and knew how deeply we loved and cared for him. In the last 24 hours I have cried so hard and felt like I couldn’t breathe, it all hurts so much. I feel so numb this morning. I am so scared of what I have seen and experienced that I can’t go there in my mind. My Dad is my parent but also one of my best friends, he was the first one I’d call with any news or if I had a question or needed some advice. I loved him so much. He was so such an amazing Dad and friend, I am so lucky. Writing this has brought tears to my eyes, which I needed but I feel this empty void in my chest. I don’t want to block anything out and be numb. 

  • I cannot begin to know how you feel right now, but I just wanted to send my love to you at this difficult time.

    Lisa xx

  • I'm so sorry to read that your dad passed away yesterday morning Rachael, and on behalf of the moderation team here at Cancer Chat, would like to offer you our heartfelt condolences and sympathy.

    I'm glad you and your family were able to be by his side and hold his hand at the end. Hearing is one of the last senses to go so I'm sure he heard everything you said to him before he passed.

    It will take some time to come to terms with what has happened and you will go a vast range of emotions, including feeling numb as you can see here, but our members will be here to support you every step of the way. 

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • So sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 4 weeks ago and am completely heartbroken. Sending hugs xxx

  • I am so so sorry for your loss. Know though that you done him proud, being there for him through it all, right up to the very end. I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. Im so sorry. 

    Kind Regards

    Colleen x

     

  • Rachael I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you cherish all those memories with your dad and know that you being there for him until the end was probably the best thing you could of done. I'm sure he is watching you and your family from a better place.

    Cassidyx 

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your dad - I lost my dad on Thursday to metastatic prostate cancer. I know it's still really early days but like you I am knocked sideways by just how much it hurts. It still often feels unreal to me - me, my mum & sister stayed by my Dad's side right to the end, trying to comfort him, making sure he knew how much we love him. I keep replaying those last few minutes - every sound, sight, smell is so vivid to me. I'm so glad I did star with him, but seeing him just slip away broke my heart.

    I've no advice or answers, but it's weirdly comforting to know that I'm not alone in how I'm feeling, and hope that maybe it helps you too.

    I have a 4 year old who is also grieving - she & my dad were so close, little soulmates. I'm finding it really hard to stay calm & patient for her at times, and also torn between wanting my own space to try to come to terms with this, and wanting to be with her.

     

  • I'm so sorry. My dad is currently battling stomach cancer and I am in constant turmoil and emotional distress as he is very weak now. I understand your pain as I feel the same about my dad, he is more than just a dad, he is my friend, one of my favourite people to be around and spend time with and the first person I go to for help or advice with everything! I have no idea how I will ever go on without him. Sending you lots of love xxxxxxxxx

  • Hi, 

    Reading all of your posts gives me comfort that we are not alone in our grief . It’s very early for me as Mum only died this morning but I do feel I will need to talk to a counsellor as the pain is overwhelming. I’m interested in the comment about the hearing being the last sense to go as I was talking to Mum continually for the last 20 minutes and said all the things I should have said over the last week . She knows she was loved as I have been there daily with her in hospital to keep her calm and comfortable but I still wish I’d said more In the times she was more coherent. 

  • Awe JojoD I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I thought the hearing thing was interesting too and I'm sure your mom heard you talking to her. Don't be afraid to go to counseling because it can be good for you and I'm sure your mom wants the best for you. I hopethis pain gets better for you.

     

    Cassidy

  • Im so sorry about your Dad, its truly heartbreaking to watch them go. My Dad died at the end of January from bowel cancer which was diagnosed too late for treatment. The only advice i could pass on to you is to just let the feelings come. Cry as much as you need to and talk about him as much as you want. Dont put any pressure on yourself to do anything except the things that make you feel even a tiny bit better. The void doesnt go, but you learn to live with it over time. xxx