Cancer Research UK main site

All Alone

MG1976
Offline

My guy of 15 years passed away in December and it was absolutely horrible and unspeakable as to what really happened that morning.

My brothers let me down.  The service was out of town and his mother's. I ended up going alone to face his family and grieving 87 year old mother.

While I get travel can be hard, both my brothers had the means and the lattitude to come with me and did not.  They let me face his family alone. There I was in a hotel sobbing on the day of the funeral all by myself.  Overwhelmed with grief and loneliness.

Here I am months later crossing over from pain to anger and still trying to figure out in what scenario one of my brothers wives die and I am not right by their side.

Now they wonder why I am distant - go figure!  Confronting them will just make a bad situation worse and it can't be undone.

Then there is my favorite nephew who has yet to acknowledge my loss!

I knew this would be hard, but I didn't anticipate this.  I'm so alone... I just want to say Patrick wait up!  I am so broken without him and now I find myself truely without anyone. I just want him back!

 

  • Offline

    Hi there ... So sorry you had to face the funeral alone. . . That must av been heartbreaking .... 

    But maybe now that's gone and you can be proud you did it ... Maybe now is the time to forgive ... Forgive your brothers , they may have their own reasons , but forgiving them just may mean you get them back in your life ...

    And your nephew just may not have known what to say ... So many end up saying nothing coz they don't want to say the wrong thing .... Forgive him for not saying something ... He can still be your favorite nephew ... Life is too short to carry anger and resentment ... Life is never strait forward ... 

    Just send them all a message ... A simple "I miss you" may be all it takes ... Try not to bring up the past ...move on ... Go forward ... It sounds like you need them to be part of your life ... A gentle word can heal ... Words said in anger can never be taken back ...

    Good luck ... And I'm sure Patric lives on in your heart ... Chrisie xx

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    I have cut my toxic relationship with my family out of my life.  If I can attend the funeral alone... I can certainly do just about anything.

    Forgiveness needs to be deserved and they haven't earned it. I need to focus my efforts on me and only me right now.

  • Offline in reply to MG1976

    You are not alone many of us did the same that includes  me. It is hard to be alone but no more fights piece is the rewards. No more empty promises that some time kept me wake. Her memory keep me a live I love her I miss her. She was my beloved patner, lover, friend, wife,  a mother of my kids and all of that a humane  beings can  offer to another to a humane beings. She is a life in me my breathing is her breathing my hartbeat is her heartbeat  we are to gather for ever.

  • Offline in reply to MG1976

    Hello MG1976.  You seem to be in a whirlwind of emotion, mainly anger.  Tell us a bit more detail please so we can understand better.    Firstly I am sorry that you have lost your partner.   What did your partner die from?  Were you close to his family and were they able to help with his care?   I ask because - rightly or wrongly - I get the impression that you did not know your partner's family very well (you talk of having to face them) and I also wonder how well your brothers knew your partner.  Why do you think they did not attend the funeral with you?   I can understand that it was a horrendous day for you if you were not close to your partner's family.  But you now need to be able to grieve for your partner.    To whom are you close who will support you?

    I hope you will not mind me asking these questions - I am just trying to get a handle on the family relationships.  Annie

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.