In 2015 my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer, we were told she had a few weeks to live, this was 2 weeks before my due date with my second child. At the time i lived far away so i moved in with my mum to be her carer. She had chemo and the tumours shrunk! We became so close over that time, we did everything together and when my relationship broke down due to the stress of the situation, we only had each other. My kids were so close to their nan too. 18 months in my mum passed away, the cancer had spread to her brain. I was her only carer and next of kin so i had to do the majority of arrangements then clear her house and move back to my own rented property hundreds of miles away that i had been unable to pay for whilst living away because i lost my job when my maternity leave ended during my time away as my mums carer. I spent all my savings on days out and getting by so when i came back i had nothing, i would happily do it all again. i spent the past year and a half building things back up but i just feel hopeless. I need to hear my mums voice and see her face i need my children to know her. I just keep thinking it must be a bad dream that it can't be real because i need her. I can't imagine the rest of my life feeling like this, i feel so low and desperate. Everything hurts. I think mothers day coming is just salt in the wound right now
