Oh hunny ... you've sure had so much on your plate ...  and sometimes trying to keep strong, just keeps one feeling after another locked up inside , until one day you try to put another feeling in there, and they all come tumbling out , and then it is overwhelming.... anti depressants are good for short term, but if you don't face how those feelings are, and not dealing with them, it really does take it's toll on other loved ones that need you ... 

If you can think of your dad ... and admit how hard it is without him, and how scared that makes you feel .. and let your heart say .. it's not fare, and life can be cruel...

... and it's all about balance ... it's about facing how you feel .. scream / cry / shout out ... and going with it for awhile... then think of the best funniest moment you can with him, over and over every word , look and feel how that made you feel  ... till the good feelings push the sad ones back ... and remember how or what your dad would say to you now ...

Both my son's have had bad bike accidents ... but like yours they are still here .. and life does teach them lessons ... maybe to take more care next time ... so look on that as a positive .. 

I didn't cry at my mum's funeral ... and we were as close as a mum daughter could be ... but the next funeral 2 years later was a distant uncle and I cried like a baby , then I realised it was for my mum ...

There's no right or wrong way to grieve ... we all do it differently ... but what helped me was knowing my mum, loved laughter, and her grandkids ... so we always talk about the good funny memories she left us .. and we try and do things to make her proud ... 27 years later, my sons still write about their wonderfull nanny ... so hold on to your children and hubby ... and don't be scared to admit to them, how your feeling .. but try to say you will get there ... just take baby steps ... one day at a time .. and remember he lives forever in your heart ... big hug Chrissie