Why So Quick

Hi all, i am very nervous to be doing this. I lost my mum on the 11th Feb 2018. 3 weeks and 3 days of being diagnosed with CUP (Cancer of Unknown Primary) I feel her GP has let her down gratley. Mum was unwell from October 2017, but 2 GP's dismissed her. She was taken to A&E with bad chest pains and they kept her in for 2 weeks. My poor mum was only a young 68, her birthday is next tuesday. She had been treated appalingly at the hospital. She begged and pleaded for a biopsy to be done on a lump on her head as she was in so much pain. Mum had blacked out because of the pain. Still Dr's ignored. Even at the end no one looked at the lump on her head. My husband and i have been trying for a baby unsuccesfully for over 5 years and 2 years ago we have our little treasure. My mum adored him and him her. I am heart breaking he has no more time with him. i am lucky to have had 39 but still feel robbed at how quick mum deterioated. My was discharged in my care and here she stayed with our little family. She slipped away with me holding her. The death rattle still haunts me to this day and I struggle to sleep and accept she has gone. I lost my dad 15 years so just me and a brother who lives 10 hours drive. I have visited mum at the chapel of rest 3 times, i know its her shell and her memories live on in my heart and head. But i dont understand how this has taken her so quickly, before she could start treatment. I dont feel as though i can mend from losing her. Apart from sorting her finances and going to her house i dont want to go out. Her funeral is soon and i dont know how i am going to manage. Cancer is Cruel!!!!!!

  • Hello LillyStar.  I am so pleased you came to this forum.  Don't be nervous.  We are just ordinary people who have in one way or another been affected by cancer.  I personally have lost too many family and friends.  My own mum died of cancer some years ago; she was 70 and she had just finished caring for her own mum every day during a long illness - it seemed all wrong that she was cheated of time for herself.  I am really sorry that you feel your mum was given a poor service by the NHS - you can of course make a complaint if you think it may stop someone else suffering the same way but you may feel that you cannot cope with this on top of your mum's death.  One of the (many) things I have learned on this forum is how unpredictable cancer can be.   Doctors can give an idea of what they think but it doesn't always work out that way.  I know it can be very distressing when your loved one is deteriorating in front of your eyes - this happened with my mum.  Try not to think too far ahead - I know how painful that can be.  Just get through each day as it comes.  You might find it helpful to ring Cruse Bereavement Care (Freefone 0808 808 1677); they have been around for a long time and have a good understanding of grief in all its aspects.  Please keep posting on this forum if you find it helpful.  Annie

  • Thank you Annie for your reply. I will most deff try and take each day as it comes. I shall also speak to someone from CBC. Thank you

  • Oh dear I am so.sorry to hear your story . I'm.going through something similar. Look I really recommend you get some closure . When you are ready please find the strength to talk to the patient liaison service at the hospital . Set out your concerns and in a supportive meeting you can get some of your concerns answered.Honestly I have sat on both sides ( this time as a relative) and often some comfort can be taken. She will still help you with your little treasure . Xx

  • It’s so very tough ....hold onto your memories 

    that’s what I keep telling myself

    that and my dad and your Mum would want us to live life as best we can ... they would not want us to cry and be by standers in life

    my heart goes out to you I lost my dad in Dec last year  he died 5 weeks after diagnosis 

    Far too young.... but you know what he would tell me to enjoy life .... as hard as it is since he’s gone 

    understand your heartbreak  stay strong 

    xxxxxxx

     

  • thank you for responding, i honestly feel like i have lost my heart. Mum passed away on a Sunday and now every Sunday i do not want to get out of bed. I just want to be on my own. Every thing Mother (Mothers day now coming up) or cancer related makes my blood boil i hate i dont have my mum anymore.