Hi Simon

wow, your post has really touched me. I lost my wife only a month ago to a rare / aggressive cancer called Leiomyosarcoma. She was only 41 and we had less than a year between diagnosis and her passing. I feel I relate to much of your story and although  I don't think there's anything I can say, I feel your pain and your story has really touched me x 

Dan

Hi Simon

Your experience informs and confirms my state.

My wife has just had her first chemo for Breast cancer.

It has found its way to the lung and bones.  We have been together since school.  I am 57 and cannot conceive not being with my partner.  I am in tears throughout the day.  When I think of a future without her I am emotionally and physically demolished and can't believe life without her is possible.

I have adult children 36 & 37 and grandchildren in their teens.

I consider the thought that I want to leave this world with her.

Hi JohnmcD,

I just wanted to post a reply to say I'm very sorry to hear about everything that's going on with your wife at the moment and what you are both going through. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Please know we are always here for support on this forum should you need it - I know there will be many people here who have gone through, or are going through, something similar. If you would like to find others then you can always browse or search the forum for other relevant discussions.

It is a big cliche but try to take things one day at a time, and most importantly also remember to take care of yourself as well. This includes speaking to others where helpful - whether it is those around you, us here on this forum, or organisations such as Macmillan or Maggie's. The support offered by organisations like these can be invaluable.

As I say, we're always here for help if you need it - or even if you just want a safe space to write down your thoughts or feelings.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

I read your post of February 2018 and wondered how you are now coping as Iam suffering like you.

I lost my darling wife in May 2020 after 60 years together. Our 3 daughters give me constant love and attention but my loss causes  me daily sadness and the wish to end my life and be at peace. Whatever peace is.

Hello Grim and welcome to the forum. 

I am so very sorry to hear that you lost your wife earlier on this year. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you to be apart after all those years together.

I know we have many members here on the forum who have lost wives or husbands and some who have expressed, like you, how deeply the sadness impacts them. 

Sadly, Covid19 has taken away many things that people would use to help them cope during times like these so I'm glad to hear that your daughters have been able to offer you support through all of this. It sounds from your post as if you are a very close family. 

You don't mention in your post if you've spoken to anyone about how you're feeling Grim and so I wanted to let you know about some organisations that may be able to offer you some help and support. 

Cruse is a bereavement charity who offer a few different types of support to those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. Please do have a look at their website which I've linked for you.

Age UK offer a telephone befriending service which at a time when it's difficult to get out and meet people face to face could be a good way of connecting with others. And of course the Samaritans are available 24/7 if you want to talk to someone about how you're feeling. 

You're very welcome to keep posting here on the forum as well Grim. Sometimes chatting to others here who have been through similar or simply writing down your thoughts and feelings in a safe space can also help.  

Keep talking to your daughters and to those around you Grim. I'm sure they would want to offer you all the support they can. And if you choose to keep to posting here we'll do our best to try and support you too. 

Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Hi  Simon my beautyfull wife passed away sept2019.           I have read your post it is so like my situation.                   We had 3 beautiful children. That are all teenagers.              Now. I was also with my wife for 30 years.                         For 18 months she battled cancer . She fought.                 So hard to beat the horrible disease.                                   I also stopped work and was with her for every.                 Treatment & operation. I cared for her at home her           Final month. On 17sept 5.00 morning she passed             Away in my arms. I  miss her so much and talk to                  Every minute I'm awake my sleep is not much                   I visit her grave practically every day .                                    I'm suffering every day . I can't see away out of                 This pain and grief. I hope there is some sort of                           Life after this one so we can be together again.x

Hi all, 

Simon here, sorry for not posting sooner, but I first wanted to say that I am blown away with the responses to my original post and I wanted to give you an update of where I am now - I got through December which is a nightmare for me (Wedding Anniversary, Vicky's birthday, my daughters birthday, Christmas, then 28th Anniversary of her death) then our daughters where 18 so its a case of just going through life in automatic mode tbh - with the lockdown it does not help at all, stuck at home with all these feelings and emotions - my daughters are home but stay in their rooms most days - and the house has stayed the same since Vicky passed (3 years now) ,from her wall colours, decorations, to her wardrobe, everything - but even 3 years in I have had to get some more counselling again, as everything is getting on top of me.

A few years back I joined an organisation called WAY (Widowed and young) and I highly recommend people join, the network is amazing, and the friends I have made there is just brilliant, always checking in on each other and all have been through the same pain.
 

My feelings for my beloved have never changed and never will, I think about her every day, I still write to her everyday, visit her grave with a flask and a portable chair to "catch up", have her hair in a cross around my neck, her ashes on my wrist and still sleep with her dressing gown - nothing has changed, but I promise you this - grief is a ***, and punches you in the face and any given time, and when you least expect it - people say time is a healer, but it's not a healer as such it just makes things easier - yes you still think about your wife/husband, and you miss them dearly - but for me, I feel like I am just here to see the kids off and then I think whats next ?

I met my wife when we were 16, and for 30 years all I knew was Vicky, she made me the man I am, the very fabric of life - she gave life to me and our 3 daughters - I found the only way through this is to keep busy - if you sit and ponder then the tears flow, but even doing stuff around the house "pottering" because of "Vicky" I can still hear her next to me, and guiding me - it's the small things I miss like making her a cuppa, and last year I had to buy my first coat without her its daunting...

Someone asked me the other day "Have I ever been in love..." and I replied I still am...! yes, she is not here physically but it does not mean she is in my heart, and I know she will be in my ear saying "keep going Si..." 

Before she died I told her of a dream I had, and it was so real - I said to her I was laying in hospital with all my family around me and I looked up and saw you above my bed and you said "come on Si, get a move on....." when I told her this she laughed and said "that's exactly how its going to be ....."

I know we will meet again, but I also know if I turned up now, or had this attitude of "life is ***" she would say what he hell you doing here !

Stay strong people, please I am here to help if anyone wants to reply - it does get better but that doesn't mean you have forgotten the love xx
 

Hi,

You are going through everything i am .My love died after 30 years of pure love ,fun and joy.

We had the perfect life .I used to pinch myself .But then Cancer came calling .

Brain cancer .We loved him to the end at home ,and it was my honour .

It has been 7months of pure hell ,without their love and support .

Set yourself goals for one hour at a time .Dont look forward (to scary)

Be kind to yourself .

Their is alot of help out there ,take it all .

Sending hugs x

I'm so sorry for your loss I lost my wife to breast cancer  December 22 last year  She left me a nine-year-old and a two-year-old It completely feels like my world is falling apart I desperately want to be with my wife but now I've got a stay for my children I guess I'm just reaching out for help