Dear Simon,

I can understand some of your pain I'm sure as I lost the love of my life, my soul mate, my darling husband just under 8 months ago. The pain doesn't get better or go away, does it? I'm devastated. He was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer that had gone to his brain, and 7 and a half weeks later I had lost him as he became neutropenic after his first chemotherapy and had a chest infection that went to pneumonia.

I agree, it doesn't help when people say things like 'he'd want you to be happy' or 'you need to be strong', I don't need to be strong, this is a time when I can be weak. Also, as much as my darling husband would want me to be happy, he'd understand me being deastated as he would have been if I had been taken.

We had a relationship similar to the one you had with your wife, we always told each other we loved each other every day, numerous times. I have no doubt of his love for me but I miss him every single second of the day. He is everything to me.

I am blessed with two grown up married children and two grandchildren, although my husband wasn't their Dad, they adored him and are heart broken. They do look after me but I feel so alone. I'm all on my own most of the time. I do work but I normally cry on the way home as I just want my darling husband.

Obviously this isn't cheering you up! :-) But I wanted to say you are not alone. I have lost my soul mate and my heart is truly broken.

Hi all,

Firstly I must apologise for not responding, I had to be in the right frame of mind and also try and sort myself out especially around work - with all my grief, mentally struggling with the loss of my beloved Vicky work were terrible, ignoring me, sending round emails to say "Simon is returning do not look him in the eye, do not mention his beloved wife, do not mention cancer etc, only deal with him on work related matters" so of course I was ghosted and ignored - I had time to think, I still do - and I looked for another job and came off the tablets - and now I am 3 weeks into a new role, and its a breath of fresh air.

We have just come out of a Easter Holiday, and everyone is asking me "how was it ?" Good ? - not really, the children were out and about or revising, and I was just left with the dog and my own thoughts - I miss her terribly still, and hate the lonliness - I did what I do every week, I tended to her grave, and buy 5 bunches of flowers in her favourite colours, 2 for her grave and 3 for home, so it always reminds me of her.

I still wear her perfurme, and I have a lock of her hair which I got made into a cross for my neck and have her ashes in a bracelet on my wrist, and I still wear my wedding ring - in my mind I am still married.

My eldest daughter recently went to a medium, and I was always sceptical of these but she recorded it and a lot of what she said hit the nail on the head to my daughter, e.g your dad is suffering, he misses her don't he, not eating properly or sleeping etc - but I just feel how can I ? people say it will take time, but for my we are the people who know the "timescales" not anyone else, I have learnt to do what you feel is right, and don't be swayed by anyone - what I mean by this is an example  - Vicky's brother called me and said "I hear you are wearing her perfurme ?" I said "Yes..." he said "are you not worried what men will think ...." I said "mate couldn't care less, I know I smell my arm, and I can "see" your sister....

Deal with it in your own way, yes let people support you, but do what you need to do - I still have her clothes in the wardrobe, and her dressing table out, still write to her everynight and have her pillow and dressing gown, I don't care what people think or say....

I know this may also not be everyone's cup of tea but one person out of all my friends mentioned the Ricky Gervais series "Afterlife" - it turns out most of my friends had seen it but did not want to tell me !- anyway I watched it and it is spot on, a masterpeice of how we are feeling, no one gets it until they experience it  - and for me to say to people "you seen that Afterlife...." and whne they say "Yes" say that's exactly how I feel even now, don't want to be here but have to be for my girls, in pain, and people getting on my nerves.....

I have rambled long enough, but what has helped me is keeping busy, I continue to paint and keep the house as Vixs would have it, do the garden but do stuff for her, at the end of the day my doctor put it nicely....

When I was on tablets, I said to him "I think the tablets are making me antagonistic" he replied..."it's not the tablets, you're greiving and people are p**sing you off.....

I will be more attentive to the replies now, and hang in there people, we will never forget the love of our lives, and life has dealt us some pretty ugly cards - and the first question I am going to ask when I get upstairs and are at the "gates" is why.....? why when the world is built on love, and seeing the love of the people in this post were these taken away when there are people still here, arguing, splitting up and slagging each other off - I will never understand it !

Simon

Hi all,

Firstly I must apologise for not responding, I had to be in the right frame of mind and also try and sort myself out especially around work - with all my grief, mentally struggling with the loss of my beloved Vicky work were terrible, ignoring me, sending round emails to say "Simon is returning do not look him in the eye, do not mention his beloved wife, do not mention cancer etc, only deal with him on work related matters" so of course I was ghosted and ignored - I had time to think, I still do - and I looked for another job and came off the tablets - and now I am 3 weeks into a new role, and its a breath of fresh air.

We have just come out of a Easter Holiday, and everyone is asking me "how was it ?" Good ? - not really, the children were out and about or revising, and I was just left with the dog and my own thoughts - I miss her terribly still, and hate the lonliness - I did what I do every week, I tended to her grave, and buy 5 bunches of flowers in her favourite colours, 2 for her grave and 3 for home, so it always reminds me of her.

I still wear her perfurme, and I have a lock of her hair which I got made into a cross for my neck and have her ashes in a bracelet on my wrist, and I still wear my wedding ring - in my mind I am still married.

My eldest daughter recently went to a medium, and I was always sceptical of these but she recorded it and a lot of what she said hit the nail on the head to my daughter, e.g your dad is suffering, he misses her don't he, not eating properly or sleeping etc - but I just feel how can I ? people say it will take time, but for my we are the people who know the "timescales" not anyone else, I have learnt to do what you feel is right, and don't be swayed by anyone - what I mean by this is an example  - Vicky's brother called me and said "I hear you are wearing her perfurme ?" I said "Yes..." he said "are you not worried what men will think ...." I said "mate couldn't care less, I know I smell my arm, and I can "see" your sister....

Deal with it in your own way, yes let people support you, but do what you need to do - I still have her clothes in the wardrobe, and her dressing table out, still write to her everynight and have her pillow and dressing gown, I don't care what people think or say....

I know this may also not be everyone's cup of tea but one person out of all my friends mentioned the Ricky Gervais series "Afterlife" - it turns out most of my friends had seen it but did not want to tell me !- anyway I watched it and it is spot on, a masterpeice of how we are feeling, no one gets it until they experience it  - and for me to say to people "you seen that Afterlife...." and whne they say "Yes" say that's exactly how I feel even now, don't want to be here but have to be for my girls, in pain, and people getting on my nerves.....

I have rambled long enough, but what has helped me is keeping busy, I continue to paint and keep the house as Vixs would have it, do the garden but do stuff for her, at the end of the day my doctor put it nicely....

When I was on tablets, I said to him "I think the tablets are making me antagonistic" he replied..."it's not the tablets, you're greiving and people are p**sing you off.....

I will be more attentive to the replies now, and hang in there people, we will never forget the love of our lives, and life has dealt us some pretty ugly cards - and the first question I am going to ask when I get upstairs and are at the "gates" is why.....? why when the world is built on love, and seeing the love of the people in this post were these taken away when there are people still here, arguing, splitting up and slagging each other off - I will never understand it !

Simon