Hello Simon

I just happened to read your post and fully understand the pain you are going through.  It seems to get worse, not better and the endless tears keep falling.  I guess there is no easy solution for any of us on this forum except to weather the days and somehow keep going, trying to keep a routine.

My beloved passed away very suddenly, from being admitted by ambulance on the 1st Nov to hospital with his death occurring on the 21st Nov.  He was diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to the chest lymph nodes and surgery was not an option.  He was one of those men who hated seeing the doctor and kept up the guise of being 'ok' and 'I'm fine', ignoring the symptoms repeatedly and kidding himself it was all asthma related (he suffered from asthma).

By the time his health deteriorated to the extent of being admitted to hospital and the diagnosis received, it was too late.  As if this wasn't bad enough he self prescribed pain killers to numb the chest pains and ended up damaging the liver to the extent he died not due to the cancer, but through liver failure.   The dreadful irony.

I grieve in much the same way you have described and haven't changed his pillow cases as they still have his scent.  I smell his deodorants and aftershave and keep everything the same, much the same as you do, even with his slippers still under the bed on his side.   I hope that you, me and everyone else in our position will one day be able to get through a day without shedding tears and even be happy but for now the sadness is overwhelming and that day seems a lifetime away.

Take care and remember that you are not alone

Debi.

Hello Simon

I just happened to read your post and fully understand the pain you are going through.  It seems to get worse, not better and the endless tears keep falling.  I guess there is no easy solution for any of us on this forum except to weather the days and somehow keep going, trying to keep a routine.

My beloved passed away very suddenly, from being admitted by ambulance on the 1st Nov to hospital with his death occurring on the 21st Nov.  He was diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to the chest lymph nodes and surgery was not an option.  He was one of those men who hated seeing the doctor and kept up the guise of being 'ok' and 'I'm fine', ignoring the symptoms repeatedly and kidding himself it was all asthma related (he suffered from asthma).

By the time his health deteriorated to the extent of being admitted to hospital and the diagnosis received, it was too late.  As if this wasn't bad enough he self prescribed pain killers to numb the chest pains and ended up damaging the liver to the extent he died not due to the cancer, but through liver failure.   The dreadful irony.

I grieve in much the same way you have described and haven't changed his pillow cases as they still have his scent.  I smell his deodorants and aftershave and keep everything the same, much the same as you do, even with his slippers still under the bed on his side.   I hope that you, me and everyone else in our position will one day be able to get through a day without shedding tears and even be happy but for now the sadness is overwhelming and that day seems a lifetime away.

Take care and remember that you are not alone

Debi.

Dealing with loss is just gut wrenching.  Me and my wife had been together for 22 years and married for 13 of those.  We were soul mates till the end, and to be without her comes with a whole pile of emotions... lack of sleep, not eating properly,  fear of never seeing her again, and anger because she had things to do an didn't want to leave us.  It tears my heart out of my *** and really makes me feel physically sick!

I miss her terribly. She put in so much effort to survive and those of us who cared for her also put in a huge amount of effort to help her along the way.  It's just so awful that despite the best efforts we still lost her.

We are having her funeral four days before Christmas and I'm dreading it.  This was one of her favourite times of year and that just makes it all the harder to deal with.

How the hell do you get over losing someone so close, she took my heart with her.

I'm so sorry to learn of your wife's passing and although it's never easy at any time of the year, for this to have happened just before Christmas must be extremely difficult and heart wrenching for you.  I honestly don't know what to suggest to help you get through the next few weeks but with the help and support of close family and friends and taking one day at a time, I hope you will have the strength to carry on.

Take care of yourself and my thoughts are with you at this very painful time.

x

Thankyou so much.

Even though my wife was seriously ill I really thought she was going to find the strength to pull through, she had bounced back so many times before!  I've got to carry on and fulfill her hopes and dreams, that will be my focus, to do the things that she wanted to do!  I'm just gutted she cant be here to share them. It going to be so tough.

Its been an awful journey, it really has, and I'm so dissapointed that she lost her battle, especially after all that effort.  I knew we were up against it when she was first diagnosed with Grade 3 Triple Negative BC, although the outlook was looking good at the start of her treatment plan.  It all changed when after 17 months it appeared on her lungs.

After travelling with my wife on this journey for two and a half years since her first diagnosis, I can now look back with 100% certainty that the cancer was already in her lungs when she was first diagnosed, it was just too small to see on the CT scan at that time.

I researched and learned a lot about the type of Triple Negative Cancer which my wife had, up to a level where I could speak to her Oncologist with the confidence that I understood the illness probably as much as they did.  This was by no means in an arrogant way, but in a way that I could understand and ensure that she was receiving the right treatments available for that cancer. Even to the point of suggesting other treatments which I'd found out about just to see if they were suitable.

Every cancer patient puts a lot of trust in the Drs and nurses, but I think that anyone in a cancer battle really needs to do their homework and dig deep to find out the best information and best treatment options available for their type of cancer.  Its the patients life at stake so don't always accept everything that the Oncologists tell you, and never be afraid to question anything they say.  It is also worth sticking the feelers outside of the NHS to find out what other options are worth exploring out there.

I'm not suggesting private care because that costs a fortune, and in some cases the same treatments offered by private care are available on the NHS anyway, so always check everything before spending money. Unfortunately the NHS have their bog standard treatments or first line attack chemos if you like, and this is where it really pays to do your homework because there may be other treatments available that the NHS wont tell you about unless you ask!  Also clinical trials are another thing worth exploring, so leave no stone unturned!

One thing that I did find out about was a treatment called Cyberknife which looks very promising, although it was unsuitable for my wife's type of cancer it certainly looked promising for other cancers. It is available on the NHS and my wife's Oncologist never spoke of it until I mentioned it to them, so it just highlights why it is so important to look outside of the box, even if other treatments aren't available or even suitable they are 100% definitely worth asking about.