Hello Sel2018.  So sorry to read that your beloved husband has lost his battle with cancer; and for what you are going through now.  There is a thread, just recently started, from Dezzie entitled "Loss of husband" to which several people have contributed these last few days.  I am hoping the moderators can provide you with the link but it will be somewhere near the beginning of the forum as people are joining and adding to it to talk to each other.  You may find it helpful to read what they are going through and talk to them about your own grief.  My very best wishes to you and your family.  Annie