Welcome to our forum, Melissa.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, on behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat I offer you our sincere condolences.

I hope you will get a chance to chat with some of our members who will offer you support and advice but in the meantime perhaps you might want to take a look at this page with information on coping with grief and hopefully, that will help you, even if a little.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you i will have a look I have had counselling bit hoping speaking to others who are in the same position might help me x 

Hi, I can’t help but my mum has kidney cancer and it has spread and I have just had the news that the cancer won’t go away... it’s just how long they can keep my mum alive... I’m hurting, I’m sad, I’m angry, I need to talk to someone 

Hi I can sympathize with how you felt. I am sorry to hear about your're mum. My mum has an aggressive spreading stage 4 kidney cancer which has metastasized. She Was diagnosed only in november last year. We are finding it difficult to cope at this time. She had chemo which did not work which has now stopped as it made her feel quite poorly and was admitted to hospital a month ago due to high fever and weaknesses . She was then transferred to hospice care 3 weeks ago and we was told prognosis was weeks due to the scan and her fever was not due to infection after the antibiotics. They took a blood test, it showed they were stable and we was told she had longer. We was relieved as we had more time with her.  she has now been transferred into a nursing home for care. Her pain has got a lot worse recently and they have increased the morphine. She is very depressed, anxious and has noticed she has been eating less. She has some breathlessness and is very scared and no matter what we say she prefers to stay in bed most days . I have brothers and we are there for each other. I feel lost and numb and finding it to be a difficult time. 

Hi Suzanne sorry to hear what your going through. My mum passed in April from metastic colon cancer which was diagnosed in December. After one round of chemo my mum became too ill to have any more was admitted to the hospital and never came home. Her prognosis was short weeks although she was moved to a hospice and died a few days later. We were told her condition could stabilise for a while as your mums seems to have done and she would have to be moved to a nursing home. I don't know which is worse someone passing quickly or slowly wasting away with no quality of life. Either way it's horrendous I pass on lots of love to you and your family. How are things with your mum now? 

Hi Kirst it's been an emotionally difficult time. Unfortunately my mum died last week in the morning on the 5th Sept  :(. It's been such a tough journey for us. She started to deteriote fast after my last post. She had signs of delirium, increased pain, irritability, lost of appetite, lost of her body being able to regulate temperature, changes in the colour of her skin. I know what you mean, it was so upsetting to see her suffer and deteriote before she died. The last night before she died we was with her and seen how how much distress and confusion she was in and wished she did not suffer any longer. She is no longer suffering anymore and is at peace. There are no words to describe how much sorrow and grief I feel right now. I hope it gets easier in time and I hope I can find ways of coping. 

I'm so sorry for your loss :( I lost my mum in May, and she went through similar things like delerium, irritability, loss of apetite etc. a week before she passed. I do feel like we get at least a little bit of comfort in knowing that they are no longer suffering. I wish you lot's of strength, and am sending kind wishes your way.