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Lost my Mum two days ago

Trace64
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I lost my mum only two days ago, and while I know that I am going through the grieving stage and that is only nature., the pain and guilt I am feeling is almost unbearable.  My mum lived with us and everywhete I look I am expecting to see her, especially the lounge chair she always sat in and whenever I walk past her room to use the bathroom.  I found her clean clothes in the washing basket today and went into meltdown mode.  I feel like I can barely function and am unintentionally blocking the rest of my family out.   I feel totally lost and alone. Knowing that she went at home where she wanted to, is at peace and is finally with my Dad is not giving me any comfort.  Am I being selfish feeling that way?

  • Welcome to our forum, Trace64.

    First, I'd like to say I'm so sorry to hear about your mum, on behalf of everyone here at Cancer Chat I offer you our sincere condolences.

    There's no right or wrong way to feel grief and no, you're not being selfish at all. We all deal with the loss of a loved one in different ways but please don't think you're being selfish. 

    I have attached to this message a page from our website on coping with grief and hopefully, that can help you a little when it comes to sorting out your feelings. Other than that, stay strong and remember we are always here for when you need someone to listen.

    Warm wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi Trace,

    Welcome to the forum.

    So sorry to read about your Mum and how devastated you feel. The pain is natural and guilt is something many people feel when we lose loved ones.

    We all ask ourselves what we could have done differently to save them. "Maybe if I'd nagged them into going to the doctors earlier, or spent more time at the bedside, or mortgaged my home to fly them to the USA for some miracle cure the outcome would have been different?"

    Sadly there are no miracle cures and people die from cancer all the time despite us doing everything we can for them. There is no rhyme nor reason as to why some people respond well to treatment and cancer affects everyone regardless of whether they or their relatives are good, bad or indifferent. Bad people sometimes win the lottery whilst innocent people develop cancer.

    You're not being selfish - you miss her and you are heart broken. We all grieve differently, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. We all just muddle through the best we can and if we are lucky we have family and friends who help each other get through the pain and the loss in our own ways. 

    Best wishes

    Dave

     

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    Hi Trace64,

    Condolences to you and you family.

    I totally understand how you feel. I lost my beautiful mum last week. Like you I lived with my mum and did so all my life... there wasn't one day didn't go by without speaking to her.. Like you I feel totally lost and can't come to terms that she is longer in the house and I will never see or speak to her again.  Feeling guilty is normal. I always put my mum first but still feel guilty. I know deep down she is no longer suffering but selfishly I still want her back. Everytime I speak to someone either face to face or on the phone I break down in tears... In some ways I am glad I feel like this as this shows how much I loved her and how much she meant to me... 

    Take care

     

    Jan

     

     

     

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