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I am 22 and I cant cope with the loss of my mum

Newts04
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I am trying to cope with the loss of my mother but im finding it extremely hard. She passed away on Christmas Eve 2016 and I almost feel like Ive still not admitted it to myself. I am trying to lead a normal life but i feel the more i go to work and act fine the more i am covering up the huge amount of pain i am feeling. I have created terms like waitress face; which means i just smile at everyone at work until i get home and i can take my waitress face off. I crave days off so i can just sit at home and not have the world make me feel any worse, because i feel at full capacity i cant handle anything going wrong. I feel like im fighting a losing battle, i know time heals but its moments when i think about getting married, having my own childen, buying my first house, i never thought in a million years i would be doing all of that with out my mum, i cant stand the thought of it. Every single day i go to text her, i watch something and i automatically think i must tell my mum, i get stresssed out and think mum will know what to do, i cant stop torturing myself. I have a partner and a dad im extremely close to but at the moment i need to be strong for my dad so i guess my poor partner is left to deal with all the badness no one else sees. I just dont know what more I can do to keep a positive outlook on life before i just become unhealthy and become someone who no one wants to be around. Is there anyone else that feels the same or similar feelings?

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    Hello. I'm sorry to hear about you losing your mother. I am also in the same boat I guess you could say. My mother passed on 5 days ago. I wonder if I'm still in the shock phase. Almost numb feeling. It's hard. Sometimes it doesn't seem to bad. But no matter what I do it is in the back of my mind. I try to keep busy. Keep going because I know that is what she wants. The scary thing is trying to imagine the rest of my life without her. To call her and say hi. To ask her questions. I hope if nothing else this will bring my family closer together. I think it is like you said. It just takes time. Try to remember the good times. Be happy for everything she taught you. Honor her by doing the best you can in life. I read a couple things the other day. They seemed fitting in my situation of coping. 

    There’s nothing good that comes out of the death of someone you love, but I have learned this: the magnitude and bottomlessness of the pain you feel is a testament to the love you shared. And while I don’t ever expect to arrive at a point in life where I’m alright with the fact that my mother is gone, I know that I am so, so lucky to have loved and been loved that much by anyone.               

    “You breathe, but it is harder to do so

    You walk, but your body’s gravity has changed…”

    I also think that it helps to talk to others going through the same think. I pray you find comfort in your time of sorrow. 

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    Hello, 

    Very sorry to hear you lost your Mum in 2016. It is still early days and I believe grief takes time. Many say you don't forget the pain you just learn to live with it. She was your Mum, the most important person in your life so there's no doubt that you will feel the huge loss in your life. Thinking ahead into the future is upsetting when you think of that person not being there to share all of those big milestones with you. It is an ongoing battle that we have to learn to cope with and it does take time. I can't advise you because like you I am going through the same thing the only difference is the person I lost was my Dad. I'm 28 so a bit older than you and my Dad died nearly 5 months ago. He died at the end of August. He really did suffer for the last 4 months of his life so I was a little relieved for him when he did die because it was an end to his suffering. I have days like you too so I really do sympathise. Most of the time I feel numb, sometimes I'm grateful for this feeling because it helps me to get by. Other days the numbness slips and the pain seeps through and I cry like a baby. I try to put a brave face on too especially around my mum who is finding it unbelievably hard. Not many people around me understand so sometimes it feels pointless even talking about it because for them trying to imagine how I feel is very different from actually experiencing it. I try and take each day as it comes and if i feel like crying then I will cry, if I feel angry then I will be angry and if I don't feel like talking much to anyone then I won't. Grief isn't something you just get over and move on from which I often feel like those around me seem to think that's what happens. It takes time, a long time...trying to adapt to a new life without that person there. Like you I think of the future like when I get married...I won't have anyone to walk me down the aisle and it hurts knowing I will never have my Dad there. I have often gone to text my Dad then reality hits that if I do I will never get a reply back. It hurts so much but I have to keep telling myself how lucky I am. I had a wonderful Dad for 28 years, who left so many happy memories behind. And i will make him proud and honour his memory by keeping him alive in all that I do and never forget him. I also suffer from depression so I have to try and keep myself afloat before I find myself drowning in all this pain and grief. Time is supposed to be a healer, I hope that is the case. Until then just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 

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