Hello Mrs Clarke.  Sorry to see that you are not sleeping and are having trouble coping.   Your mum's death is still very recent and in any event everyone grieves at their own time and in their own way.  I wonder why you feel unable to let your nearest and dearest know that you are suffering; they would perhaps like to help you but don't like to push you to reveal your pain if you don't want to tell them.  Might I suggest giving a call to Cruse Bereavement Care, a long-established organisation who understand grief and bereavement very well.  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 1677.  I think you would feel better if you could share your feelings with someone.  Alternatively tell us about your mum and her death; it may be difficult to let yourself go to anyone but you will probably feel a lot better if you share your feelings with people who will understand.  There are a mixture of people who post here.  Many have had or are going through cancer experiences; others have lost loved ones.  You can say what you feel here; nobody judges you and people want to help with the benefit of their own experiences.  I have lost both parents and many friends and other family and know how difficult it can be.

Hi Mrs Clarke, ever so sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum in Dec, Xmas eve in fact. 

What have I learned so far? 

Grief can come in waves, for a split period during my day I totally forget that my lovely mum (who raised me raised me ans my 3 brothers alone) is gone.

My mind is like a constant video tape of memories of the past, being collected from school, kids parties, my first heartbreak - these memories constantly fizzle in the background of my mind. 

There’s 2 parts to my life, first is when Mum is here, and then now, until I am gone. 

From my ever so short experience there’s no blueprint on how to deal with what’s happening right now - but, try and take each day at a time. Small victories can include going to the shops, seeing a friend, watching a movie, cooking a healthy meal. And with each day it will get Bette better I promise. Your Mum (like mine) Is with you every day now. 

Best wishes