My husband was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in 2010 and after 6 years he passed away in Nov 2016, he was just 3 weeks away from his 38th birthday. I struggled a lot after he passed away, even though I had 6 years to prepare myself for the "D Day" I believe no amount of time could have prepared me for what was coming. It has been more than a year now since my husband passed away and it was a year full of emotions and on Nov 2017 I was also diagnosed with Cancer.

I have help and support from family and friends but I have realised this that no matter who is around you no one can replace a loving spouse and I miss him a lot, I wish he was here to hold my hand, to talk to me and reassure me but what I'm left is with "I wish" and "what if's". At least I'm happy that I was there for him when he was going through the same thing.

When my husband was diagnosed with Cancer I was there with him in all his ups and downs and I believe I was a supportive wife but sometimes when things got tough with him I couldn't understand his behavior but today surprisingly I am doing the same things without realising it and now I understand him so much better but this realisation comes with a huge amount of guilt as well for not understanding him then, it is amazing when you know how things will turn out and what might happens yet you feel so unprepared, it's a very helpless feeling and if I try to explain this to anyone I always get a classic reply but I'm not cross with anyone for not understanding me it just that I feel this feeling is not common it's different and it's not like how it is read or said but it is more than that. I know there are many people on this forum who are going through the same thing and it helps me to be calm and be positive.  

Thank you for reading my thoughts