Hi I am new to this site. i have neuroendocrine cancer stage 4. Its funny but im quite blase about the cancer, its there and its not curable. I have been given 2.5-5 years. 

I lost my best friend and my rock very suddenly on 29 march 2017.My wonderful mum was taken into hospital on 20March and we were told she had a gall bladder infection with a gall stone that was stuck.The nurses gave her pain medication and antbiotics, but she wasnt getting any better. The consultant decided to do a procedure on the friday to try a dislodge the stone.

By the sunday my mum was in so much pain and her stomach was hard and swollen.I asked the consultant what they were planning to do, he said a decision would be made the following day by the top doctor. He said she had a 50/50 chance. By the evening mum was in so much pain and the pain relief wasnt working.The family were called in to discuss putting a DNAR in place.

I sat with mum, it was mothers day, and she had just had her birthday on the 23 march. She told me she would open her presents when she came home. Mum looked at me and said Deb im dieing. I told her she wasnt allowed to die because we all needed her.

Monday27 march I received a call from the consultant telling me to get up to the hospital as mum was having emergency surgery.Iasked what the surgery was for, he replied a punctured bowel.I sat with mum holding her hand saying the sooner she had the surgery the quicker we could have her back home.She said she wanted her mum but she had passed away 3 years earlier.  I walked down to the operating theatre with her and kissed her and hugged her, I remember her saying dont be upset. I wont be long and I will see you later.She gave me a kiss and squeezed my hand.

Mum seemed to be in there for hours. Then we saw her being taking into ITU She never came around again.

We sat with he for a bit and were told to go home and rest. We were all called up to the hospital that afternoon and taken to the relatives room. We were told she would probably pass away that day as she had billiary peritonitis and it was very bad, so bad that she had faeces in her stomach.

That evening it looked as though she was fighting it and everything looked positive,my sister and her partner stayed with her and i went home.  At 08.00 the next morning My sister rang me and we were told there was nothing they could do and we had to switch life support off. She still kept fighting it and my sister told me I had to tell her she could go as I was going to be okay. She gave the most beautiful smile and passed away at10.46.

I hope you dont mind me telling you all this, its just I cant cope without  her anymore, she was my best friend. We lost dad some years before and mum and me were always together.

Ive got to the stage at 2.5 years that I dont want to go for scans every 3 moths or take my monthly treatments.Mum kept me going all the time and I miss her every minute of the day.

I just needed to write this, I hope people dont mind. I see her when I am asleep and I smell her clothes.