Hi just want 2 say I’m so sorry 2 read about u mum it’s heart breaking I can’t really give advice. My mother passed away 2 /8/17 so I know what u feeling and going through it’s so hard . Sending u hug take care x 

It is so so hard to comprehend. I think some of these words, horrible words, death, passing away, gone... they have kind of lost meaning for me now. I've had other family pass away, grandparents -  some I never even knew. But that was so different. They had their fair share of time on earth, and it was becoming inevitable that their time was nearly up. For my mum, she still had 40 damn years here at least. It's so difficult, I saw some family photos we have on our chest of drawers, and to see her beautiful face smiling back, and to think she doesn't exist... I can't wrap my head around it, and it kills me that she is just gone, whatever that means

And I know exactly what you mean, just like you've said as well, it's such a different relationship being older..  My mum expressed to me how much she wanted to be here with me now, especially now that I've finished school and have such a long break ahead of me before I go to uni.. she was so excited to spend this time with me now..  and it hurts me so much to think she never even had that. now going into the adult world, and having so much free time, I want nothing more than to take her out for coffee, explore antique stores with her which she so loved doing, and afford to buy her and spoil her with wonderful things with my own money. 

I know people are being kind when they say things like 'you had 18 wonderful years with her', but that's not how it should be. She should have been here for another 40 years at LEAST. The only thing I'm hoping for now is that one day, after this life, I will get to see her again. I can't imagine just never seeing her again?!

I don't think I meant my reply to be this long, I just have so many thoughts in my head. You can message me anytime if you want to speak to someone, I feel like we are going through similar things x 

I wish we didn't have to go through this, nor our mums. 

To both emily and jess. And indeed anyone whose mum has died early.  One of the few things I  have found out about life is its horrible randomness.  My own mum was not young but she was certainly not so old that I expected her to get liver cancer and die.   Her own mother had not long earlier died after a lengthy illness through which my mum had cared for her every day; she deserved a bit of time for herself.  Even as I write that I realise how much I didn't know at the time.  Babies and children die of cancer - what is going on that we have to suffer like this?  I just don't know.  Sorry to step in and howl about life's unfairness but sometimes things just don't make any sense.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

Hi Emily - I just wanted to say I am so so very sorry for the loss of your mum. I’m new to this chat but your words struck a cord with me as they are very similar to what Iv also been through. 

In late August my mother in law was going through tests for kidney stones. However, unexpectedly this turned into her being diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive form of kidney cancer. She was told that it was incurable and that palliative care was her only option. 

In what feels like an absolute whirl wind, she sadly passed away in early October. It was so unexpected and happened so drastically fast that it’s been so difficult to come to terms with. I feel cheated as she’s didn’t have a Chance to fight it. The way you speak of the last moments it’s something I’m also really struggling to get out of my head. She was, until recently, a strong and healthy women and to watch someone deteriorate in front of you like that is heartbreaking. My partner is just 26 and is really struggling with the loss of his mum, and so is my father in law. I’m so devastated.

I know there isn’t much I can say to take the pain away and everything seems horrifically unfair. I just wanted to share my similar experience in the hope that it might be some sort of comfort. I sometimes think it’s difficult for my friends/family to truly understand how I’m feeling, unless they have been through it themselves. 

Im learning to take each day just one day at a time. Please remember and take care of yourself - and also allow yourself to grieve. I hope friends/family/loved ones also give you the strength to get through this. 

Sending you heartfelt condolences. 

xxxx

Hello Emily, 

I am so so sorry to be reading this. It is utterly devastating to lose not only a parent but on christmas day and at such a young age too. It is beyond unfair! I can sympathise with how you feel so if you ever do need to rant or talk you're always welcome to send me a message. The same applies to anyone else too! I lost my Dad in august (4 months ago) and I'm 28...older than you but still very young to lose a parent. Grief is very complicated, hard to even describe until you experience it. It comes in waves and I have found myself going through every emotion. The main one being numbness. So if you do experience this it is completely normal. I think a lot of it is shock, my body and mind won't accept my Dad has gone. Although I can't offer much advice, I do understand. I was also there when my dad died. It felt so surreal like a dream. It still does. X 

As I've said probably far too often, life is unfair, and I am just sorry that cancer, and any kind of suffering for that matter, exsits at all. 

I've been thinking along those lines too, like why do some people end up drawing the short straw? And then when they do, why make them suffer SO much? Can't one obstacle be enough? I have so many questions... You can do all things right in your life it seems, but sometimes it all just comes down to random bad luck - this world really doesn't make sense. 

Oh sweetheart I am so sad to read your post you are so young to lose your mum. I just lost my Dad and I have regrets that I should have talked more to him and told him how much I loved him. I think that this kind of guilt is normal. None of us accept losing loved ones we would do anything just to be able to hug them or kiss them one more time. You need your Dad more than ever now so little by little try to let him in. It wont happen overnight but if he has made an effort its worth a go. Mind yourself and be gentle with yourself.  I hope you will consider going for some grief counselling.

Hi Emily, 

I was very moved and sad by this little story of your poor Mothers passing. I myself can actually relate almost identically to your story except for my poor Mum passed away from Pancreatic Cancer on the 22nd December the night before my birthday. Only 2 odd months have nearly passed and the first month was horrible as expected. I am not going to harp on and waste your time reading all you have read already. Only one thing I will say is that I know the feeling of holding Mums hand and she not able to squeeze back, going delerious and in and out of consciousness from a disease that took a young beautiful energetic woman and destroyed her dignity her life and the life of her family. All I can say is that although I cannot tell you how much you miss your loved one or bull***t you into saying God has her now and they take the best. I would advise doing what I do. Accept how truly awful it is and soul destroying, absorb and live life the way they would want. That combined with outbursts of grieving and crying in front of those you love and trust is my way of coping. Also maybe take some solace in knowing that there are so many of us out there affected by this and we pay a blind eye to it until it knocks on our doorstep. Then we realise truly how awful it is for all the poor people out there that have been victims of this disease. I was angry with life, healthcare system (I could talk for hours about how long everything took(prognosis diagnosis, probably a total of 2 months spend f****ng around) , random shouting and yelling with anger and bitterness. All of this anger is there and doesn't just go away because we say so, It is ok to be angry as we are normal human beings. Anger and Sadness need to some out in us as it helps vent and relieve frustration. Just there are times and paces I suppose. Anyway I will not harp on any further. I am here for a chat if you ever need to talk to someone in an almost identical grieving situation than yourself. Take Care.