I find it helps to write things down, for me anyway. I have a journal which I've written all my thoughts in this past month, and I wrote a Christmas card to my mum last night,saying all the things I wish I could say to her. These forums really do help a lot too - they don't ease the pain nor do they take away the grief, but they do make me feel less alone.

I'm so so sorry for you and for what your mum had to go through. It really isn't fair. 

Thanks Jess. I have seen some of your previous posts and can compeltely relate to a lot of the feelings you have expressed. I just don't understand how I don't have a mum anymore. I genuinely can't comprehend it, I knew she wouldn't be around forever but this this was something that was supposed to happen when I was older, when she was older and had lived her life. She had a hard life and there was so much I wanted to do for her once I was an 'adult' - take her on holiday, buy her a house etc but now I'll never have the chance to give her everything she deserved.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel, it's unfair on you, your family and your mum. Hopefully one day we can get to a place where it doesn't hurt so much anymore, where we can no longer feel angry and reach a level of acceptance. But honestly at the moment it all feels like that day might never come.

Thanks Jess. I have seen some of your previous posts and can compeltely relate to a lot of the feelings you have expressed. I just don't understand how I don't have a mum anymore. I genuinely can't comprehend it, I knew she wouldn't be around forever but this this was something that was supposed to happen when I was older, when she was older and had lived her life. She had a hard life and there was so much I wanted to do for her once I was an 'adult' - take her on holiday, buy her a house etc but now I'll never have the chance to give her everything she deserved.

I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you feel, it's unfair on you, your family and your mum. Hopefully one day we can get to a place where it doesn't hurt so much anymore, where we can no longer feel angry and reach a level of acceptance. But honestly at the moment it all feels like that day might never come.

It is so so hard to comprehend. I think some of these words, horrible words, death, passing away, gone... they have kind of lost meaning for me now. I've had other family pass away, grandparents -  some I never even knew. But that was so different. They had their fair share of time on earth, and it was becoming inevitable that their time was nearly up. For my mum, she still had 40 damn years here at least. It's so difficult, I saw some family photos we have on our chest of drawers, and to see her beautiful face smiling back, and to think she doesn't exist... I can't wrap my head around it, and it kills me that she is just gone, whatever that means

And I know exactly what you mean, just like you've said as well, it's such a different relationship being older..  My mum expressed to me how much she wanted to be here with me now, especially now that I've finished school and have such a long break ahead of me before I go to uni.. she was so excited to spend this time with me now..  and it hurts me so much to think she never even had that. now going into the adult world, and having so much free time, I want nothing more than to take her out for coffee, explore antique stores with her which she so loved doing, and afford to buy her and spoil her with wonderful things with my own money. 

I know people are being kind when they say things like 'you had 18 wonderful years with her', but that's not how it should be. She should have been here for another 40 years at LEAST. The only thing I'm hoping for now is that one day, after this life, I will get to see her again. I can't imagine just never seeing her again?!

I don't think I meant my reply to be this long, I just have so many thoughts in my head. You can message me anytime if you want to speak to someone, I feel like we are going through similar things x 

I wish we didn't have to go through this, nor our mums. 

To both emily and jess. And indeed anyone whose mum has died early.  One of the few things I  have found out about life is its horrible randomness.  My own mum was not young but she was certainly not so old that I expected her to get liver cancer and die.   Her own mother had not long earlier died after a lengthy illness through which my mum had cared for her every day; she deserved a bit of time for herself.  Even as I write that I realise how much I didn't know at the time.  Babies and children die of cancer - what is going on that we have to suffer like this?  I just don't know.  Sorry to step in and howl about life's unfairness but sometimes things just don't make any sense.  I am so sorry you are going through this.

As I've said probably far too often, life is unfair, and I am just sorry that cancer, and any kind of suffering for that matter, exsits at all. 

I've been thinking along those lines too, like why do some people end up drawing the short straw? And then when they do, why make them suffer SO much? Can't one obstacle be enough? I have so many questions... You can do all things right in your life it seems, but sometimes it all just comes down to random bad luck - this world really doesn't make sense.