Cancer Research UK main site

My mum is Dying. I hate Cancer!

Holstahipz
Offline

I'm not really sure what this post will achieve... I just need to vent.

My mum is my world. My rock. My inspiration. I'm 29 and have 2 beautiful sisters. Our dad's both cheated on mum so she brought us up single handed for the best part. My younger sister was very ill when born and spent alot of time at bristol childrens but mum never let me and my elder sister down.  

We had little money but she always made the best of everything. 

As we grew older and I hit my teens, i was awful. Especially to her. I have apologised until I'm blue in the face but still feel bad for that time. 

I had fertility issues and mum was there. I nearly died from sepsis upon the birth of my son in May. She was there. 

It started with pain in her ribs. She thought she had cracked something but we found out in September that she has Multiple Myeloma. 

A month before diagnosis she was running a marathon!

She was admitted to hospital yesterday for her clean stem cells to be put back and will be in quarantine for 3 weeks after. Over Christmas. She is getting more ill by the day and she doesn't think she will make it. We saw her on Saturday for a Xmas gift opening as she will be in hosp and she started saying her goodbyes. Like proper goodbyes. She looks scared. 

I have been a mess since. She is in hospital in another county and I just want to hug her. I need my Mum. I need her to see her grandson grow. To walk me down the isle when I marry. 

Cancer..  how dare you take my mum!!! You cruel disgusting disease. 

Sorry.. Like I said I don't know what I'm achieving by this but I'm just sobbing. She is everything to me. 

  • Offline

    Awful. Really awful. We share your pain. Everyone on this site understands it, and shares it. Wishing you every strength, and all the love in the world. xx Harry 

  • Offline

    Hi Holstahipz,

    I've got myeloma, though I'm in remission at present. I wasn't eligible for a transplant but didn't want one anyway. Didn't think I'd be able to handle it.

    Soon after diagnosis in October 16, I became very ill, barely able to move. Came close to death after a bout of sepsis in June 17 and everybody was saying goodbyes. I'm still here and getting better.

    It's a very individual disease, with people reacting differently to the same treatments. I follow a few myeloma websites and it seems to me that a lot of people are very ill one moment and the next, bounce back.

    Your mum's condition today is not really a good guide to her possible condition at any point in the future. My thinking is that all we need to be, is 'sufficient to the moment'. No amount of worrying is going to change outcomes and can be injurious to health.

    All we can ever really say is 'Ent ded yet'. And then be sufficient to the next moment.

    Myelomabeacon, a US site, is full of stories of patients riding bikes for hundreds of miles, within months of transplant.

     

    Best Regards

    Taff

  • Offline in reply to Taff
    Taff... your one message made me feel better instantly. I haven't spoken to anyone with myeloma since mum was diagnosed. My grandad had it and passed away very quickly after diagnosis. I watched him go downhill quickly and have that image and see that happening to mum. I desperately hope she improves even just for a bit longer. I need her. They harvested her own cells (forgive me it confuses me alot) so today she had treatment to kill all the bad and good ones in prep. I work in healthcare and know that there is pressure and it scares me that one nurse may enter without proper PPE or washing their hands. Thank you so much for your time to respond. You sound like a warrior and I take my hat off to you. Thank you again xxx
  • Offline in reply to Harry2

    Thank you ever so much Harry. I have lost far too many loved ones to Cancer. It's always the good ones!

    She managed a short message to me this morning which was amazing and made me feel slightly human again. 

    I'm very lucky to have an amazing husband who is incredible.

    Thank you for your message and support, you'll never know how just having someone to talk to helps me.

    Holly x

  • Offline in reply to Holstahipz

    Remember aswell, that your mum was well enough for the transplant to go ahead, that's got to be a positive.

    From what I've read you could expect the first few days/first week to be a bit rough until the transplant 'takes' and then up to a year of her recovering from it.

    Walking apparently, is one of the best things she can do. I'm a fine one saying that, I barely walk at all.

    'Sufficient to the moment'.

     

    Taff

  • Offline in reply to Taff

    She lives in a beautiful part of Cornwall and walked all the time. 

    I will pass this suggestion on to her. 

    It certainly makes you realise you're not on this earth forever. 

    X

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.