Sorry you are suffering so much.  It is still early days and you must be missing your wife terribly.  It might help you to give Cruse bereavement service a telephone call.  They are well-established and have spent many years talking through bereavement issues with people in your situation.  Their freephone number is 0808 808 1677.  Also, if you look through some of the posts on this Cancer Chat forum you will find others in similar situations.  It may help you to discuss your situation with them also and correspond about what they are going through.  My best wishes to you.

Hi there ... my other half, some 15 years ago, was like you absolutely devastated when he lost his wife to Brest cancer after 2 years totally caring for her ... he turned to drink for a while, trying to block it all out and hated the world ... he had a 17 year old at home at the time, and they were not seeing eye to eye as they both grieved in different ways ... a while down the road, we met and I was able to get them close by understanding what both were going through ... we've had a great few years with lots of fun along the way... but he took awhile to get his grief out and we always brought her along on our journey by talking about her ... it was just a new chapter in his life, and it didn't take away from the love they had ...

He never thought life would be worth living, and if he'd given in, i hate to think what would have happened ... so hold on in there .. remember your kids lost their mum and are probably scared of loosing you ... hold on to them, please don't push them away ... they will help you through if you let them ... good advice from annalise for cruise, so sending a big hug and caring vibes ... Chrissie x