I have such a deep sadness since my mum passed.. feel like I'm bleeding everywhere but no one can see the blood .

So my mum got diagnosed on the 18th of July with pancreatic cancer it was my 30th birthday the day she was diagnosed.... me and my sister and my dad nursed her and looked after her the best we could but on the 9th of November she was sick alot of blood and rushed to hospital.  I was with her all day on the 10th the day she passed away is a day I keep reliving over and over.. I went with her to have an endoscopy to check what was happening and her tumour had spread and ruptured . After the endoscopy I stroked her head as she slept and cryed but then she worsend and the next few hours were what I can only describe as horrific .

I have two young children and I'm trying to be strong for them but I feel so weak and so sad I just miss my mum ever second of everyday it consumes me and I don't know what to do .

Feels like now the funeral has been and gone I just have to get on with it .. but I feel robbed of my mum she was only 58 and I'm only 30 I just want her back