Hi, my name is karen im 49 yrs old and I lost my dad on 18th if this month to cancer of the oesophagus, with secondaries in his lungs.... feel so sad and lost.. so worried about my mum...
We are still finding it really hard, like you im dreading christmas as it is my dads favourite time of the year. My mum is one of the most strongest people i know and shes been amazing, we just talk and laugh about him all the time and take comfort in that he never suffered and wasnt in pain. I love listening to songs that remind me of him but my sister and mum cant do that just yet, im hoping as time passes the pain gets a bit easier even though i know it will never fully go away i will miss him forever. Hope you're doing ok? X
Hi. my name's Toni, I'm 28 and lost my dad on Friday from stomach and liver cancer. He was only diagnosed 2 weeks early and was in hospital just 30 days. It was a rapid deteriation and so heartbreaking to watch. My dad was my best friend, my rock we were so close(i am an only child so have never had to share him) I loved him so so much!!!! I can't accept what has happened as I was only talking to him a few weeks ago about everyday things and now he's gone. My dad was so brave and strong right to the end and even tried to hide his pain to protect me. I was with him when he passed and it was very special. I told my dad everyday I loved him and he knew but in those last few days I told him how much he meant to me and even when he wasn't awake he was still listening to everything( I'm sure at points he was was probably telling me to go home) but It was lovely to be there. Obviously it's still very raw for me as I haven't even arranged his funeral yet but I get upset during the day but then think he'll be looking down and saying stop it! I feel alot of anger and bitterness as to why such a good man but i keep reminding myself how much pain he was in and now he is at peace and defintley enjoying himself. I know it will be a long road for me and i will never forget my dad he will be with me everyday. I will continue to talk to my dad daily and with my son and also to our new baby who is due in April which my dad was very excited for. My dad was and is still a huge part of my life! X
I almost finished typing my message to you yesterday when my battery went and I lost the message.
i think you're really sweet and strong to offer comfort to someone else when you need it yourself.
my brother passed away in February this year (not the person I lost a long time ago that I mentioned in a previous message).
After the funeral we booked our parents a trip abroad that was due a few months later so they had something to look forward to. We could see a deep depression setting into them but the night before their flight it was as if they had suddenly awoken and remembered all these things (mostly packing and discussing weather conditions). It made us feel better just watching them wake up.
After they returned they looked like they had some life in them and were okay (still sad and taking each day as it came). Where things reminded them of my brother and made them sad other things reminded them of their holiday and the people they'd met which would bring a smile to their faces.
if you can, book a holiday in January and take your mum with you. You'll be 2 girlfriends hanging out on an adventure meeting new people and seeing new things. Go somewhere that isn't a built up city but isn't expensive. Like morocco all inclusive from Thompson Holidays (they pick you up at the destination airport and drop you off at the hotel then pick you up again). You have Aladdin type markets, 3 meals plus 2 snacks and it's quite a reasonable price - I was looking to go before my dad got diagnosed. Now I'm waiting for him to go into remission (praying he goes into remission).
You can also do Spain, Croatia, Portugal - these are quite different places.
it will also help you look forward to something past Christmas and make it that little bit more bearable.
So sorry for your loss, your dad sounds like an amazing and strong man and im so glad he knew how much you loved him. My dad was amazing too, to be honest looking back i dont know how we planned and had his funeral it all seems like such a blur. My son is 20 and was my dads best mate they did everything together and its hit him really really hard they even shared the same birthday. His first birthday without him is his 21st and even now hes dreading it and made plans to go away with his girlfriend, i get so angry sometimes because i just think why my dad he didnt deserve it. I find talking and laughing about him really helps me xx
Let's just all prey and.hope we can try to get through Christmas for all of the people we have lost and try to make it special for the loved ones we are lucky to still have.
We've been told dads ashes are ready to be collected but I'm not ready to get him back in a plastic box...
I dreamt about him last night... he was drinking champagne saying it was lovely and told me hed bought 6 bottles but not to tell my mum!! Made me laugh and cry at the same time... God I miss him so much.
We're both struggling but trying to get on with things.
We've just been told dad's ashes are ready to be collected but I'm not ready to get him back in a plastic box....
Me and mum used to always go on coach trips together before dad became ill, so I'm sure in time we'll be doing that again.... just need to get through Christmas.
I hope and pray your dad gets treatment quickly and goes into remission... your in my thoughts. Xx
hey im new to this but, my god I know how ur feeling
I lost my dad 9 weeks ago yesterday and its the strangest feeling ever,
diagnosed 2nd jan this year with liver and lung cancer
I got engaged on the 1st jan at new year so straight away high emotions to low
we moved the wedding forward and planned to do it in this country after planning it abroad but 21st September I got married and thankfully my dad was able to walk me down that aisle and do his speech....
who would have thought just 3 weeks later he was gone
he lasted 6 days after finding out that the cancer had gone to the brain
that was the biggest shock, as we really had no idea he was getting better found out 18th july this year that the liver and lung had shrunk to half an inch and the lung was almost all gone
at this point you think positive and see the light.
in and out of hospital then from about july but thankfully we had him home for the wedding spent 12 weeks in the beacon ward at musgrove
we cared for him once he was discharged in oct he was 53 and he had so much dignity and held that together till the end.
the Monday before he passed we had care out and they watched us and said we where doing great and to continue doing everything we where doing .
to think at 2 am on the Tuesday I would have a phone call to say mum was worried as he is coughing and waiting for a dr call back was not what we expected
the night was horrendous me and my sister where calling 999 as he had collapsed the night went on and on, and this happened twice (worst night of my life tbh)
me mum and my sister where all their till the end and paramedics took over in the end till the hospice staff turned up we kind new that things where bad and it was time now, as he had his wish and that was to come home to die... ( god I miss him)
but right now 9 weeks later im so worried about my mum, me and my sister had time off work and now we are both back to work she obv has good days bad days, I am deff not looking forward to Christmas,
mum has spoke about moving selling the house getting rid of the dog... all these things are just talk (I hope) as this week she isn't saying any of this thankfully
We got through the day with family around us... we laid a place for dad at the table. Mum's going over to my brothers tonight for new year, so will give me chance to gather my own thoughts. Hope your day was ok and you and your family are well and sort of coping with things
My Dad died on 15th December. His funeral was last Friday. I feel so strange and after the first day have hardly cried. I have been trying to be strong for my Mum and think I have buried my emotions somewhere. I am so worried about my 76 year old Mum. She is so lost and tearful. The house is huge somehow with only her in it. My sister and I took time off work but have both had to return to our jobs. I spoke to her earlier- she has seen no one today at all and was tearful. I live 3 hours away so can’t just pop round. I feel helpless.
