Im new to this forum and while i do not wish to worry anyone who has had a recent diagnosis of this horrible disease im hoping someone can help me make sense of my situation.
Dad visitted gp with concerns on weight loss and feeling generally unwell, occasional twinge in his upper back and one episode of breathlessness. Bloods were taken which showed raised white blood cells and severe aneamia. Was given prescription for iron tablets and bloods repeated 7 days later. 7 days later blood results were worse so admission to hospital for tests. Chest xrays showed complete white out on one lung, pleural plaques and thickening on both lungs amd a tumour at top of left lung. A biopsy was carried out and Dad was sent home with an appointment 2 weeks later to discuss results and possible treatment /care.
He rapidly declined, voice was barely a whisper, grey colour, stopped eating and drinking and breathing became more difficult. He could hardly speak 3 words without holding his chest and struggling to breath. Hard as it was i had to accept he was capable of making his own choices and stated he didnt want to go back to hospital as was scared and didnt want to trouble the doctor. Didnt want to be seen, insisted he was pain free and didnt want any fuss.
3 weeks from his first gp visit Dad said he wanted to go to bed. Upsetting as this is... I helped him upstairs to bed and as soon as he sat on the bed he gasped his last breaths. Just like that. Gone.
I am left now full of guilt as I rang 999, attempted to help him, along with the full advanced life support the ambulance crews carried out as well as him being conveyed to a&e resus. I wish he had passed peacefully instead. As much as this happenned in my hands and in front of my own eyes i still cannot believe all this. The suddeness of it all. He had insisted he didnt want help yet i rang for help and it made for a very uncomfortable time as every effort was made to help. I know he was beyond help but this haunts me.
The shock that he is gone is difficult to cope with. In 3 weeks he went from being a normal, well 68yr old man to this ill, shell of a man who was destroyed by this disease. No previous history and no other symptoms. Now we have full results that he had advanced mesothelioma and extensive damage to both lungs. I ask why didnt we notice anything before. Did he know? How long could he have been living in fear? I know nobody can answer this but its torture. Maybe im relieved he didnt live to attend and hear results of what was ahead for him and that he died not knowing. I just cant make sense of it all.
Apologies for such a long post... its all come spilling out . And sorry if this touches a nerve with anyone reading this.
