Not posted for a while.

Mum passed away 21st September 2017. Lung cancer in both lungs and 3 brain tumours. The Dr said they think it was a bleed on her brain.

I lived with my mum as it was but became her fill time carer at the start of August. Ive recently gone back to work.. and my job is a carer in a care home. I use to love going to work but now I dread it. Everything reminds me of looking after mum.

I feel like I'm walking around in a daze. I'm hardly sleeping. I'm depressed. I've noticed I'm extremely moody and I can't snap out of it.

I'm so stressed as well. I'm fighting with the council to keep the house. They don't want me here because it's 2 bedrooms. I don't feel like it's properly hit me about mum because of this.

My dad is getting married on Saturday. I really don't want to go. Him and my mum got a divorce 5 years ago. I like his wife to be but I don't agree with the massive age gap and find it strange.

I also find it strange that you don't automatically get offered professional support when you lose a parent. You have to go seek it. Which i don't feel like doing but that's beside my point.

I have the smallest family ever. I have my dad and my aunty. That's it. So me and my mum were always close. I'm not saying this for attention or being dramatic but I don't actually see the point in living? Everything is just ***.