Hi there , I was just a couple of years younger then you are now when I lost my mum to a heart attach... and like you, couldn’t imagine my life without her in it... she was my rock, and my pillow when I cried ... 

the pain you feel now is all part of greaving and there’s no easy way through those first days ... weeks ... months .. the thing that turned me around was picturing my mum watching me, what would she say, and I realised it would break her heart to see me suffering so... she taught me to love life, and we always laughed about everything... she taught me .. there’s always two sides to a story.. she would help everyone .. and I wondered what she would say .. she’d say I’m not gone, I live right here in your heart, now go and make the most of every day, and when you laugh or smile, I’ll be so proud... 

im sure from what you say your mum would be so proud of her girl ... you did her proud ... you’ll never stop missing her .. you just have to find a new “normal” it takes time, and slowly day by day it does get easier even if you don’t think so at the time .. I came across a saying ... don’t cry because you loose someone special... smile because you had them in your life ... 

my friend at the time said to me... if my mum lived to be 100 I’ll never have the memories you had with your mum .... her mum never gave her the time of day ... and she said even at 36 I’d still got some amazing memories and to remember all the good times and not to dwell on the sad ones ...

my heart goes out to you, hold on in there ... sending you a big hug ... Chrisie ️ Xx