Hey Georgina, 

I've just found this forum and our stories share lot of similarities, I'm 24 and i've just lost my mum on the 21st of October. The words in your blog post really resonated with me, i'm racked with guilt at the moment as i chose to go and study away from home to do my masters when my mum was going through treatment. In hindsight i can't stop thinking that that was time i could of spent with her but i did what i thought was right in that moment. I guess i got that independnt spirt from my mum. 

Her funeral is next week and i'm nervous about it, how did you find your mum's?

Rosie x

Hi Rosie, I'm so sorry I've only just seen this. I'm also really sorry to hear about your mum. I completely know how you feel. The guilt is still a big thing for me. After her funeral I decided to fly back to Australia as I felt like this was the best thing for me. I couldn't stand the thought of being in the house surrounded with her things. It does comfort some people but it wasn't for me at that time. It's been just over 5 months now since her funeral which by the way I feel we couldn't have given her a better send off, as hard as it was. I am still currently in Australia but I have recently found out that I am pregnant and the due date is a few days after mum passed in September. I can't help but feel this is her doing and decided to go back home in a months time to pursue my pregnancy. I think I'll always feel guilt for not being there right at the end but at the same time, my mum wanted me to go, like you said so did your mum so hopefully you do find some comfort in that. I know deep down my mum knows that if I truly knew that was going to be the end, I wouldn't have gone. But that's life and we don't know what's round the corner. I still have very hard days and I think about her every single day, but I also know she would tell me to stop being upset and 'get on with it' if she was here. Now I can't wait to bring a new life into the world no matter how I'm prepared I feel. She will definitely be there watching over! As I'm sure your mum is looking over you :) Lots of love x