Hi there 

my name is sian, I’m 23 and live in plymouth. I am a healthcare worker so have come across cancer I’m many forms many times. However June of this year, my boyfriends amazing brother was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. Shocked as a family, we kept him upbeat and were positive things would be okay. Doctors themselves said they were confident he would beat this. A week after that he had lost so much weight, was jaundice, could barely walk, eat or even get comfortable. It was that week we were told his liver was destroyed and he was going to die. We were told months. A few days later it was his 30th birthday, we had a huge party and it was such a special night. He had been planning this night for months so nothing was going to spoil it, not even cancer. Plans were made for him to come home to die and be with his family, however he died in the early hours of the day we were bringing him home in hospital. 5 days after his birthday, a week after being told he was going to die. Nothing felt real, it still doesn’t. My boyfriends family are broken, I feel helpless and don’t know what to say/do. All I want to do is cry and curl up in a ball. Although I feel guilty for being upset because I should be the strong one for my boyfriend. His brother was like a best friend to me, losing him broke my heart into a million pieces and right now I don’t feel like it is ever going to get better or easier. I cry and cry and cry, to the point I panic and struggle to breath. My stomach hurts and my heart aches. No one could ever prepare me for this pain and I don’t know what to do to get better. I’m hoping that speaking with others will help me in some way.