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Lost my dad to lung cancer

StaceyMcM
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Only five short weeks ago (11/8/2017) my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. Everything happened very quickly and on Friday he took his last breath (15/09/2017). He was admitted to hospital two weeks after diagnosis and there we spent every day by his bedside. We grieved the whole time - it was a very traumatic seeing him go from normal to basically vegetative in less than a month. 

Now that he's gone i'm not sure what i'm feeling. I think it's shock. I just don't feel like it's normal. Everyone else around me is crying and I feel nothing. I feel so guilty about it and its causing me lots of anxiety. My dad and I were so close and I expected to feel sad straight away but most days I just feel like its a regular day... 

Is this normal? I'm scared it means I don't care... 

I'm also scared that it is normal and then the pain will hit me like a ton of bricks. Can anyone shed any light on how to cope or what is normal? :( 

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    Hi there ... so sad bout the loss of your lovely dad .... it's a confusing time ... when I lost my mum suddenly to heart attach, I was her baby , the youngest of three girls .. she was a soul mate mum ... we shared everything and she was my pillow when I cryed ... every Xmas /holidays / babysitting my boys .. she would call me up and when I answered she would sing "I just called to say I love you" 

    my niece phoned me to say someone had passed out down town and it could be my mum ... I rushed to outpatients where I was shown into a room where my oldest sister was waiting ... then my other sister came and after what seemed to be an eternity the dr came in with the news , she'd passed away ... I don't remember much but I remember feeling numb ... I think my other sisters were crying ... I felt a scream somewhere deep ... they took us to see her in the viewing chapel ...

    like you I didn't cry / yell etc ... I just stroked her hair and I felt like she was saying "I'm o.k ... I'm not there I'm here right by you ". And I felt a calm piece that I couldn't explain ... it's only years down the line I think because we'd said all we needed to ... she was with me all the time so I felt no guilt (like one sister) who still crys 29 years down the line coz she wishes she'd done more ...

    i believe she watches over us especially my boys and while I've been on my cancer journey too ... so you must av loved your dad very much ... there's still times I hear a song esp I just called to say I love you I have a few tears ... but know if I'm right and she is looking over us she would love it to see us happy and it would have broken her heart if we kept crying ... 

    so thinking of you ... from one loving daughter to another .. big hug Chrisie xx

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    Hi Stacey

    Grief is different for everyone and theres no right or wrong way to feel. Feeling as you do now does not mean you don't care or that you didn't love your dad enough or that you are any less effected by his passing than the rest of your family. We are all different. Never forget that. 

     From my own personal experience I can tell you that feeling numb as you do now is a very natural reaction. This is your brains way of keeping you safe and allowing you to process what's happened. When I lost my dear husband to lung cancer just over 2 years ago I felt completely  shocked and numb. I likened it to walking around in a little protective bubble and most of the time i felt very ltitle emotion.. It will take your brain time to process what's happened and as it does you may find that the crying starts and the emotions you feel ma well feel very stong - like a ton of bricks. . You may find that some of the time you feel normal and at other times you can't stop crying. All very normal. 

    Please don't beat yourself up about how you're reacting. It's normal. And don't forget - if you are at all worried you can always check in here as I'm sure there'll be somebody around to reassure you. Also never forget that your GP isn't just there for rashes and aches and pains. I'm sure your GP could offer you invaluable support in the weeks and months to come as you try to make sense of what's happened.

    Netty x

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    Hi, I lost my dad to Lung cancer too in August. I felt that way too at first..I cried alot in the year and a half that he was ill, almost everyday as it's always there, everyday I worried and cried for my dad, but when he actually passed away I remember the next day just going into auto pilot and cleaning my house from top to bottom, no tears came, and I had the same thoughts as you have expressed. I wondered why I wasn't crying, as I'd been so upset when he was ill. It all came out at his funeral and since then I realised that I think my mind was blocking it out as I had my son starting college, so I needed to stay strong for him and for my stepmum who was heart broken. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that everyone is different and copes differently, but the mind has a way of trying to help you cope. It's little things that set me off, films we watched together, adverts, wanting to text him to tell him what I've been up too etc. Sending you a hug, and just do what you need to do in order to get through the days X

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