Hi sorry 2 read about u mum it's so hard in it :( I lost my mother on the 2/8/17 to bowel cancer. My mother had bowel cancer for 2 years last year she went for routine check up in July they found something they didn't know if it was her ovary or bowel. She had more test done October last year she was told they found turmour on her bowel and it was inoperable it was pressing on her blood vessels. My mother didn't want 2 know how long she had that all they said 2 her enjoy Christmas :( it's so hard I total understand . Take care x 

Dear Lou

I am so sorry that you have lost your Mum and your best friend. She sounds an amazing person.

This has happened so quickly for you and all your family. You had no time to think about her diagnosis before you lost her and the shock of what you are going through is heartbreaking.

I understand you don't want to burden your family but its important to talk, cry and grieve. Take one day at a time and just put one step in front of the other. Eat small meals/snacks if you can and drink plenty.

I can try and offer some advice but at the moment you are in shock. You have a wonderful baby girl and just be with her, your family and your Dad.

Take care of yourself.

Hi Gemini. 

Thanks for you reply and I am so sorry for your loss. It is really hard right now.

I know it'll get easier it just doesn't feel that way at the moment. 

x

Thanks for your reply Daisy. 

It doesn't seem real half of the time and then reality just floors me. 

It feels easier talking about it elsewhere. My family are devastated too and have their own grief to deal with right now.

Take care.

Hi Lou81 I totally agree I been all over the place I have my good and bad days . Some days I think my mother still here when I go up my fathers then it hits me again that my mother not here. It's the little things I miss so much I just wish I could speak 2 here :( 

I am the same.

I used to speak to my Mum almost daily, tell her everything my little girl had been doing. Mum would sing to her down the phone and my little girls face would just light up! I miss it so much and hate that I won't hear that anymore.. 

Dear Lou

You will feel like you are walking through a fog for a while. Its a bit like being on automatic pilot. Then every now and again you will realise your Mum is not here and the grief will consume you. This is normal and just go with it. I hope that makes sense. I have been through it myself. Don't expect too much of yourself. If it feels easier talking about it here then keep posting as often as you need to.

Take care of yourself.

Hi Laura

Thank you. I am so sorry for your loss. 

Everything you said is just exactly how I am right now. I feel numb half of the time (it just doesn't seem real!) and completely heartbroken the rest.

I am so devastated for my Dad too, he seems half the person he was. He just potters about the house all day or goes out shopping. I take my little girl round regularly which helps, if only for a little while, but I otherwise feel helpless.

Take care xx

Thanks Lou and l am also sorry for your loss. I don't know how l am going to get over this. Its like a nightmare that l am gonna wake up from and its not happened. The only other person l can relate to is my big sister as she feels exactly like us. Infact without her l don't know how l would go on. She is helping my dad a lot and has really came through which l never expected. My brother just went to america for a month after the funeral but my sister and l had the same relationship with mum she was our friend and a great mum. Thats why its so hard for us Lou and probably you as your mum was a great mum and loved by many. I was in the shower today talking to myself and then though am l going off my head. I went to see my consultant tonight about getting my knee replaced and ended up crying saying to him no matter how much pain this is it will never be as much as the pain l feel in my heart without my mum. I am angry that such a good person was taken to early as she had a good 15 years left before cancer. I ask why her as she did nothing wrong. But there is so many good mums taken and so many people that feel lost and in pain and alone and guilty for not being there enough for my dad who is hurting so much. Why is life so hard. Why us. I have no kids as l could not have any so l have my husband who is great but just does not understand....or maybe he does but just does not know how to help me. He tries. But my sister is the only one that fully understands. There is nothing l can say that will help as l know how l feel myself. Empty and lost. 

Take care xx